My Medicine :)

I was the girl who "Was Incapable of Feeling," "Could Not Love," "Was Completely Insane and Didn't Care About Anyone or Anything." None of that was the truth. It's true that I did hide my feelings to the best of my ability, I didn't believe in love, and that I was insane. However, I did care. I cared about everyone and every damn thing. It was because I was hurt all through my life, and figured out that people used those things that hurt me against me. So I thought that if I hid my true feelings and emotions, I couldn't get hurt anymore. Of coarse, I was wrong.
I continued to hide my real feelings, no matter what. Some few people could sence that I wasn't completely honest with my inner emotions, but they could also sence that I just didn't want to tell them. So they left it at that, didn't even try to understand me or my problems. I felt miserable everyday, because I knew that people thought that I was crazy, that I was as useless as a fly.
I began to believe them. I thought it would be easier to just give in, to let myself be what the people wanted me to be. But I just couldn't. I knew I was a freak, I still am, but I enjoy it. I have waves of images flowing into my mind of death. Anyone who crossed me, even my friends, would end up suffering and dying in the worst ways in my head. It was ever going, I couldn't stop these malicious sanity threatening thoughts of the dead and suffering. I never actually did any of these things, but I still imagined them. They were like a mental stress reliever.
Then, I met somone on a chat site. Well, it was a fan site with a chat.. I had no idea that he would be any different. He was quiet, mature, I guess his personality was the Emo-ish type.
At first, I saw him as any other blonde hair blue eyed little kid, then over time it changed. I saw him differently. He was Passionate about music, but still liked to have fun and watch strange youtube videos. His blue eyes transformed into Crystal Clear Diamonds, his blonde hair into a Soft, Touseled bush of Hair. he's about two years younger than me, in American Grades, he's in 7th while I'm in 9th.
But he makes me forget all the bad things that have happend to me. I don't see death anymore. I'm partially normal.. and I like it? I don't know how, but I know I love him more than anything else in this world. If you've read my other stories, the ones with Max the German Shepard, then Yes, I love Axel more. Only two creatures in this universe have ever captured my heart enough to make me give anything, be anything, DO anything for their happiness. Max the Dog, and Axel, thee Axel. Not my mother, brother, or sister. Not my best friends. Max and Axel. That's it. 
With Max, I loved like a Mother. Axel, Dear Sweet Axel, my Buddy Boy, I love him in a way I can't explain because I've never been here before. But I like it. When I think "Axel," I think "Holy ****," because I thought I could outrun Love, but no one can.
No more Death. No more obscure Images. No more Malicious Thoughts. Axel is my Medicine, if I stop talking to him, the thoughts come back, when I just think of him, they go away.. I will Meet him someday, I have to.

JenerationExotic JenerationExotic
13-15, F
Aug 2, 2010