Drain Bamaged Part 2

  I have been through emotional and psychological hell in my life. Constant repetionion of moving ( 78 times) and losing everything I own over and over.

  Since the attack and subsequent brain damage I've noticed something. I no longer get depressed for any length of time, or angry. I can feel the emotions initially but they last for less and less time. I'm not sure if it's anew phase of psych disorders/nerve damage or if it is some kind of progressing brain damage. It's not that I can't feel emotion, it just seems I can only feel emotion toward certain stimuli. For instance, beauty makes me cry. Way more than an average person would. If I find something funny, which is rare, i can't stop laughing. I get stuck for up to 1/2 an hour. But negative things barely effect me. I can become irate and sorrowful etc...but it only lasts for a few minutes. I just found out I am probably losing my house and everything in it. I felt a twinge of being upset, then nothing. I'm not even depressed. Apatheitc is'nt really the right word. I'm almost in a good mood. I know it's not normal.

I'm not really looking for "lucky you" type comments. I am hoping someone with greater knowledge than mine might have a clue as to what's going on. Guesses are fine too. I like to know the reasons behind things. If you need more info read my first drain bamaged post in this group.

bitterdregs bitterdregs
46-50, F
7 Responses Mar 22, 2010

I wouldn't call it numbness, it's more like adapting.

I dunno. I was at the numb stage 20 years ago. Then the anxiety/panic disorder developed and the PTSD. Panic disorder is subconscious. You can be numb consciously and have a panic reaction. It's messed up. This feels different. Since the brain damage, if I try to learn or do certain things..this bubble in my head kinda forms and blocks me from going there. It's hard to explain but it does almost have a hint of a physical componant to it. Maybe that is just how I am perceiving it. It' starting to do the same thing with emotion. I get a feeling then the bubble pushes it out. It's weird. Except for laughter and the crying with beauty thing. Those go way over like a flooded river. I wish I had the money to see my shrink. He might know what's going on. In the past few months it's increased quite a bit.<br />
<br />
yah I don't feel love the way I used to either. Come to think of it, when I met Steve, I had the initial in love feeling but it left abruptly and now I know intellectually that I love him but I feel nothing. I know it's there, I felt it long enough to know that. I also know I should love him from observations and his behaviour toward me. I treat him like I love him ...and that is better than any other woman has treated him. Probably why he puts up with me.

I think perhaps you could call it getting numb, or you just learned to expect and accept.<br />
It is a good thing for you though because stress kills, and as long as you are like you say you are, you will probably be OK. I kind of think I have become like that with relationships. I used to fall in love really hard and it would kill my heart when and if things led to a break up. But now, no matter how much I try I can't fall in love like I used to. I don't know if I look at things as temporary, or what happened there. This is what you might be doing, I too have started over new so many times it don't really bother me. I just figure it is time to start something new somewhere else, and I don't stress about it because I know things will work out one way or another, It always has.

oooooooooooh ! Corpse preservative ! maybe it wil slow the aging process too ! I know I should quit. I have ahorrible dry mouth problem between the diabetes and meds. Without being able to drink fruit juice or sugar, the splenda is the only thing that keeps me from coughing and croaking and helps me swallow food. i tried stevia but it gives me migraines. I tried that one made from bark too and that sets off the fibro. maybe maltitol in low doses. maltitol actually seems to make me feel better than I normally do. I wonder if it would mix well with club soda ?

Yeah I can see that - being sort of permanently numb to certain feelings.<br />
<br />
Splenda... that stuff creeps me out. It apparently contains something that is converted into formaldehyde upon absorption.<br />
<br />
Take your pick I reckon... corpse preservative or neurotoxin.

I don't even have to talk myself out of being emotional. it just happens. Perhaps I've developed some darn good blocks. Yes, I've also wondered if it could be something in the water but there is a well here. In ND I drink bottled water.... I do drink a lot of diet soda, not aspartame but splenda. It's a type of chlorine molecule. maybe my CIA emotion chip is malfunctioning LOL ;o)

I believe one can become numb to mental pain just as a callus can develop on the hands and prevent one from feeling friction upon it. <br />
<br />
I don't think it necessarily comes from volumes of hurt, although you seem to qualify for that, but it can come from following certain mental pathways. I think you can literally talk yourself out of feeling pain - all relative of course.<br />
<br />
There's one of those sparkly conspiracy websites somewhere that claims fluoride weakens one's will and/or emotional response. I don't guess you've been using ACT mouth rinse obsessively? Heh,,.