I Am Not the Same Person I Used to Be
I am 31 and followed the same pattern most of my life. From the time I started dating at 14 I always needed a boyfriend. I didnt care the quality of the guy, just I needed a boyfriend. I had several bad relationships, the worst was a guy I dated in high school and part of college. He would cheat on me constantly and he also hit me. We dated off and on for about five years. Finally after almost quiting school to be with him I realized I couldnt be with him any more. Mainly thanks to my mom giving me an ulitmatium. While I was in college I dated better guys but still always needed someone.
When I met my husband things felt very different. For the first time i was with a man I wanted and not becasue I just didnt want to be alone. He had the qualitys I was looking for and we automatically hit it off. We moved in together shortly after and got enaged a year later and married two years after that. We have been married five years. But over the last two years things have changed. We hardly ever have sex and when we do there is no passion. Any connection we had is gone. He has also gotten kind of mean. He is better than any of the other guys that I've dated but he has started to say very belittling things, he says hes just joking after but it still hurts none the less. For the last year I've debated on whether I should get a divorce. I have went back and forth. I dont want to hurt him and I was scared of starting over at my age. I didnt want to be alone. I thought I had gotten over that and I was no longer the girl that would let a man totally use me just so i didnt have to be alone. However I was making the same excuses I did before. Though my husband never cheated on me or hit me, he constantly tells me how stupid I am and how he its such a burden to have sex with me. Last weekend I told him I wanted a divorce. There was no big fight before, I just had enough. I realize I may end up alone and maybe even regret the decision I made however I am now ready to take that chance. I am no longer the scared little girl who needs a man.
When I met my husband things felt very different. For the first time i was with a man I wanted and not becasue I just didnt want to be alone. He had the qualitys I was looking for and we automatically hit it off. We moved in together shortly after and got enaged a year later and married two years after that. We have been married five years. But over the last two years things have changed. We hardly ever have sex and when we do there is no passion. Any connection we had is gone. He has also gotten kind of mean. He is better than any of the other guys that I've dated but he has started to say very belittling things, he says hes just joking after but it still hurts none the less. For the last year I've debated on whether I should get a divorce. I have went back and forth. I dont want to hurt him and I was scared of starting over at my age. I didnt want to be alone. I thought I had gotten over that and I was no longer the girl that would let a man totally use me just so i didnt have to be alone. However I was making the same excuses I did before. Though my husband never cheated on me or hit me, he constantly tells me how stupid I am and how he its such a burden to have sex with me. Last weekend I told him I wanted a divorce. There was no big fight before, I just had enough. I realize I may end up alone and maybe even regret the decision I made however I am now ready to take that chance. I am no longer the scared little girl who needs a man.
By:
jencpa
Age:
31-35
,
Female
