Not Again

I am 31 and followed the same pattern most of my life. From the time I started dating at 14 I always needed a boyfriend. I didnt care the quality of the guy, just I needed a boyfriend. I had several bad relationships, the worst was a guy I dated in high school and part of college. He would cheat on me constantly and he also hit me. We dated off and on for about five years. Finally after almost quiting school to be with him I realized I couldnt be with him any more. Mainly thanks to my mom giving me an ulitmatium. While I was in college I dated better guys but still always needed someone.

When I met my husband things felt very different. For the first time i was with a man I wanted and not becasue I just didnt want to be alone. He had the qualitys I was looking for and we automatically hit it off. We moved in together shortly after and got enaged a year later and married two years after that. We have been married five years. But over the last two years things have changed. We hardly ever have sex and when we do there is no passion. Any connection we had is gone. He has also gotten kind of mean. He is better than any of the other guys that I've dated but he has started to say very belittling things, he says hes just joking after but it still hurts none the less. For the last year I've debated on whether I should get a divorce. I have went back and forth. I dont want to hurt him and I was scared of starting over at my age. I didnt want to be alone. I thought I had gotten over that and I was no longer the girl that would let a man totally use me just so i didnt have to be alone. However I was making the same excuses I did before. Though my husband never cheated on me or hit me, he constantly tells me how stupid I am and how he its such a burden to have sex with me. Last weekend I told him I wanted a divorce. There was no big fight before, I just had enough. I realize I may end up alone and maybe even regret the decision I made however I am now ready to take that chance. I am no longer the scared little girl who needs a man.
jencpa jencpa
31-35, F
10 Responses Nov 27, 2012

hi i want ur frendship

I admire your streangth

good for you hun

He actually said "it's a burden to have sex with you"? He always had sex with you before marriage, right?

There are several kinds of abuse physical being one and one that you seem to be suffering from is emotional abuse due to his actions and words. Good for you to move on.

First off the minute a guy hits you should be the end of that relationship no matter what he says ,begs or pleads,leave him for good.No second chances.
Second I am glad you had a few yrs of something good,it lets you know that it can be that good only it should stay good for a long time even forever.I hope that happens for you again.
May 2013 be the best yr of your life so far.

Thank you very much.

I will say prayers for you that you can be strong and at peace as you go through this transistion. You deserve to be loved and respected and appreciated. You are created for a purpose and have too much to offer to allow someone to rob you of the potential for joy and passion in your life. I wish you much luck. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you.

It's a tough decision....I wish you luck. I believe you are doing the right thing for sure!

you deserve better, you are a woman entitled to be loved honoured and respected to go through life as a best friend and lover not to be treated badly... your heart is precious and you do matter...

Wow, that's sound like me when I was your age...

I know in my case I hooked up with my 1st hubby too early (at 18). I didn't know who I was at that age. I had a lot of maturing to do. Unfortunately, he and I matured at different rates. Actually, he was 24 when I met him and wasn't what you would call a man out for self-improvement. So what looked appealing at 18 lost its appeal the older I got.

Anyway, after our divorce, I spent the next 4 years discovering who I was. I also took it upon myself to date a lot (not get into relationships) to figure out what I wanted in a partner. All the while discovering that I was perfectly capable of being on my own in every sense of the word.

I met my current husband in 2005, married him in 2006 and our relationship has grown better with each year. He truly is my best friend. We were quick to jump in to our relationship but THIS time I was prepared. I knew what I wanted, knew who I was and I had some real experience in relationships - unlike when I was 18 and had NO real life experience.

So good luck to you!! Take your past experiences and use them for better future experiences.