Feels So Good!
When I first came to EP, I was extremely depressed...feeling rather worthless...hating life and wishing I could leave it. Soon after I joined, I was diagnosed as a fast cycling manic-depressive bipolar type 2. Yay for me, right? Just one more thing to have wrong...and I felt like I would never be "right" or "okay" ever again. That the light at the end of the tunnel really WAS a train, but that the train was taking way to long to come run me down as I wanted out immediately.
Fast forward a couple of years to the present. Situations have happened in my life in the past week that would have once put me in my bed, hiding under the covers, and crying harder than I ever had before while wishing for death DID happen to me. And you know what? I have not confined myself to my bed. I have not shed a single tear. And death has honestly been the farthest thing from my mind. OMG how WONDERFUL it feels to be able to say that!!!! and how much MORE wonderful it is to FEEL that!!!! :D Am I upset about what has been happening around me? yes, they bother me. But they are not putting me under like they once would have. I am not nearly the same person I was just a couple of short years ago. I can tell you for sure that there were times that I never thought I would reach this point. Times that I just KNEW I would never be "okay", calm, happy, and feeling good ever again. That I was cursed to a lifetime of depression, anger, and flirting with suicide.
I no longer feel cursed. The light at the end of the tunnel now looks like sunlight, and those beautiful rays are beginning to find my face, upturned and hopeful once again. I cannot describe in words exactly how completely and totally wonderful this feels. How incredible this is for me.
And I have so many of my wonderful EP friends to thank for helping me get to this point. You are all a part of my life, treasured and loved. Thank you for standing with me through the worst of times, and for laughing with me in the best of times.