I Don't Have to Try.

I grew up in a very restrictive authoritarian environment where I never could fit in. My personality was wrong, my abilities were wrong, everything about me was wrong. No amount of trying to fit in to that narrow little world was good enough.

Once I got out, I slowly started discovering all kinds of things I liked, and I wanted more. New experiences led to more new experiences, and they never fit neatly into any one clique, stereotype, whatever. My music collection comes from all around the world, some in languages I don't even speak. I love ethnic/cultural festivals, even if I am clearly an outsider. I re-do damaged clothing and make it into something new and different. I read nearly anything I can get my hands on. Nobody knows what to make of me and my insatiable thirst for learning and trying new things.

I'm not trying to be different. I'm just not good at being like everyone else. That's OK because I'm having a lot more fun now that I know that different can be really good!

intheshadow intheshadow
41-45, F
2 Responses Mar 4, 2009

I luv your story. A part of me, still to this day, can feel I don't fit in. But for very differnt reasons. Homeless, living on the streets by age 13. (literally two months before my 13th birthday.) I had to learn to survive in hostile surroundings. I raised myself. I'm self educated. Over the years I've learned to read people very well. I also learned the importance of being able to socialize and be accepted among many different kinds of people from all walks of life. I loved to learn. <br />
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I found it insulting if I confided in someone about the difficult challenges I faced, or the things I've suffered through and beyond - only to be met with a thoughtless response, saying, "Oh I'm so sorry, you had things so hard." or "You poor thing." When the right response should have been; "I'm impressed! 'You did a spectacular job raising and educating yourself - and making something beautiful out of the ashes of your past. Survived? You more than survived, you distinguished yourself, you excelled!" <br />
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So, I learned it was better not to mention my past or what I had to go through to get to where I am - and become the person I am today. I'm very proud of myself. Unfortunately it changes another person's entire perspective of you once they hear the truth. That was one of the most important lessons I've learned. <br />
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My feeling at times that I don't fit in anywhere; I'm sure it is a result of all this. So few people can ever really know me. <br />
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Thanks for your story!<br />
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Thank you for sharing such amazing story, I feel the same sometimes, it's really hard and depressing trying to be something you are not, specially when it's something everybody expects you to be.