I Can't Decide If I Am A Beautiful Fat Girl Or A Fat Beautiful Girl

I am a big girl. Fat to be exact. I'm not curvy or thick. I am fat. I'm not so big that I am disabled or so small that I can be considered an "average"sized woman.
I am around 240lbs and I am 5'5. I'm 24 and have been big all of my life. I've dealt with being called ugly and beautiful. So the confession sets in. Am I ugly or am I beautiful. I chose to think a little of both at times.
I am beautiful though. I know this. I just get down on myself. I Cary my weight well and I have class and humor. I dress well. I am clean as can be. I smell wonderful. I have self respect. I don't eat everything in sight. I actually love veggies and fruit and hate chocolate.
The problem is am I a beautiful fat girl or a fat beautiful girl. I get told all of the time that I am gorgeous for a big girl. What can't I just be gorgeous? Why does my weight have to be a part of my attractiveness? And I am told that if I were thinner I would be a drop dead knock out. Why is it that my weight must determine where I am on the scale of hotness?
I have never once said that someone was pretty for a black girl or sexy for an older man. So why say it about bigger people? But I still wonder what I am. Am I beautiful or not? Would I be more beautiful if I were thinner or would I be uglier if I lost weight? Who decided such things?
JessRuthless JessRuthless
26-30, F
3 Responses Nov 30, 2012

Fat is such a bland word. Why not use words like voluptuous. Your a beautiful voluptuous woman with kick @ss tastes.

I agree with the other comments... I think you're beautiful just the way you are.

I dont think you should change,you are a beautiful goreous girl.

Awe thank you!!

Your welcome.