They See Me As A Stranger

I grew up with my parents and a sister one year older than I. We were very close. When I was 10 mom had a baby boy and again when I was 14. I baby sat and played with them as any girls would do with babies she was around all the time. I took bookoos of pictures, helped the oldest with school work (first grade) and then, at 17 I left home and got married. I was out of state and/or out of town and visited often. As time went on, My visits became fewer and fewer. By the time I was 30 and had my own life well under way, I became less and less a part of the family. My sister who was with me til then, moved back to our hometown, but I never did. I was only visiting about 2 or 3 times a year by this time. My parents visited me once when I had cancer surgery and once when my husband and I fell on hard times. They loaned us a house payment and brought groceries. I knew it was bad when during visits they didn't ask or seem interested in what was going on in my life. I started feeling detached and not so anxious to visit any more, although I saw them a couple times a year. My youngest son was 33 before my dad spoke to him like a man. My younger brothers got married, had families, divorced and remarried during this time. My sister died of cancer in '04 and with her went any real connection with the family. It's been 40 years now. Mother died in '08 at age 87 and Dad just passed at age 92. So... now the estate is being liquidated. The brothers, their kids and me and my kids have been to the house to pick what we want, but being out of town and low on finances, we had to wait to actually pick up our things to bring home. We went last weekend. The youngest brother ( is not the executor) who is now 54 had his SUV parked in another driveway and was in an out building behind the house when we drove up. He had said the day before he wouldn't be able to come (he also lives out of town but not as far as us) but managed after all. I didn't care. I figured he would be there from the beginning. We were told we couldn't get anything from the kitchen, living room, or any table that was covered with items for sale. We weren't allowed to look in any of the outbuildings. OK. We had a nice visit even though my brother never left our side and practically herded us through, stopping long enough for us to load up what we'd spoken for the first visit. I felt like we were thought of as "strangers" and possibly pillagers even though the proceeds after the sale goes one-third to me. I nor my sons have ever been accused of lying, cheating, or stealing anything in the past. On top of that, we haven't even seen or heard the will. What life insurance, if any? The oldest brother is the executor and he doesn't seem a bit interested in letting me know one single thing. What little bit I do know I had to ask him over the phone and still didn't get a clear picture. So, you see, not being in the family loop all these years entitles me to as little as possible as long as I don't know for sure what's going on. The oldest took care of Dad for this past year and I'm sure feels he deserves it all. But as I said to him, what you think you deserve has nothing to do with what's in the will and it's your duty to see to it instructions are carried out. He already has his - a new truck dad bought him, a car dad gave him, a freezer full of food and a new refridgerator full of food from dad's house and a new riding mower dad bought last year, not to mention anything that was left in my brother's house when dad died. When I add to my will, I intend to put in writing, anything each of my kids want. I'll haunt anyone who acts greedy. It's disgusting! Feeling dismissed.
donnaru donnaru
66-70, F
May 16, 2012