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This Is a Really Yes and No...
Jul 5th, 2008
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his is a really Yes and No answer . First let me start I do love my family, BUT my family puts the D in Dysfunctional. My mom named all the kids starting with a D, I guess she knew that we would all be Dysfunctional, My niece and I say that we are the only ones that are normal or least we pray we are..
If you read some of my other stories you will see the Dysfunctional part. Someone along time ago had told me that you are not an adult and will not grow as a person till you forgive the wrongs in the past and just look to the future and it took along time but I remember the day it happened I was 30, it took so much weight off myself. I stop letting the bad live rent free in my mind.
I married into a wonderful family, I call them the leave it beaver family. I saw how great it is when a family support each other, they might argue, pick on each other, get mad but at the end of the day they are family. My mother in law is wonderful in fact I get more support from her then my mother. I had the mother in law terror from my previous marriage and wow this is so much better.....
You were born in your family for reason, even with all the bad I had, I look at all the good I have now and I knew how not raise my children and it worked. I have 2 great kids that are growing into wonderful adults.
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  | Posted Jul 8th, 2008 at 1:17PM That's really wonderful you are able to find a supportive family setting to experience. You are totally right, the cards are dealt a certain way in which we don't have control over. We just have to find a way to find that happiness.   |
 | Posted Jul 10th, 2008 at 10:43PM Sugarplum, my family put the Funk in dysfunctional, so I KNOW what you mean. I'm so glad for you that you're in a better place now, family-wise. You're right, you are born into your family for a reason - sometimes to learn something, sometimes to teach and sometimes a little of both. If your family is/was not yet ready for the enlightenment you have to bring, then you'll see them in the next life anyway. So don't sweat it; Enjoy the family you have built for yourself in this life. |
 | Posted Jul 11th, 2008 at 12:28AM Kudos to you! I come from a long line of alcoholics and co-dependent personality types on both sides of the tree. Unfortunately, people who come from these types of families tend to be drawn to, or attract, more dysfunction. We really have to make a conscious effort not to get involved in unhealthy relationships, not to live under the delusion that "If we love them enough, if we love them in the right way, they will be healed." Always take care of yourself first. This is not an excuse to walk all over people, to be inconsiderate or completely selfish. I think those of you who grew up with dysfunction and have lived with it in some way as an adult, know what I mean. You can't be there for the ones you love if you are not there for yourself first. I hope the rest of your days "livinginpain" are spent in joy. +2 nods |
 | Posted Jul 11th, 2008 at 1:47AM This is a good story and glad to have read it. It's deep and gives insight into your world. Thank you for sharing. |
 | Posted Jul 11th, 2008 at 8:52AM I understand. I thought I was the only one...I still have no children though. I am afraid to raise them since I feel that I had such a horrable upbringing I dont know how to be a mom, and I do not want my kids to feel about me the way I feel about mine. I have forgiven my mim for many things, there are just some things that I still can not get past. |
 | Posted Jul 11th, 2008 at 10:58AM Jeez, are we the same person, or what? I hear ya. |
 | Posted Jul 15th, 2008 at 12:35AM Thanks for all the comments and support.. If you ever need talk always have an ear to lend... |
 | Posted Jul 16th, 2008 at 5:28PM I really know what you mean. I didn't realize how much I had grown apart from my relatives until I went to visit them this summer. I talked to my cousin whom I haven't talked to in a long time. We were remembering times when we were younger. She told me about the time that her dad was disciplining her and he didn't have a belt so he kicked her in the butt instead. She was actually laughing about the situation. I didn't find it one bit funny. I don't agree with spanking kids as a way to raise them as my parents did the same to me when i was young. I realized that i don't have anything in common with these people whom i am related to. It really shocked me but made me realize that i have grown out of my family and need to look towards other people with similar interests and cares to be my "family". |
| Posted Sep 11th, 2008 at 2:26PM talking about disfunktional my family is so messed up thier doping, dying one brother on trial for murder. most of it is caused from mental illness. I am afraid to have grand kids because of it. I know it's not up to me and my children are good but mental illness has afected them. if I have any I'll love and spoil |
 | Posted Oct 3rd, 2008 at 1:35PM funny how that works - you raise your children harshly and make everything hard, and they raise their children in a soft environment, who go and raise their children in a harsh environment... |
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