This Is a Really Yes and No...

This is a really Yes and No answer.  First let me start I do love my family, BUT my family puts the D in Dysfunctional.  My mom named all the kids starting with a D, I guess she knew that we would all be Dysfunctional, My niece and I say that we are the only ones that are normal or least we pray we are.. 

If you read some of my other stories you will see the Dysfunctional part.  Someone along time ago had told me that you are not an adult and will not grow as a person till you forgive the wrongs in the past and just look to the future and it took along time but I remember the day it happened I was 30, it took so much weight off myself.  I stop letting the bad live rent free in my mind. 

I married into a wonderful family, I call them the leave it beaver family.  I saw how great it is when a family support each other, they might argue, pick on each other, get mad but at the end of the day they are family.  My mother in law is wonderful in fact I get more support from her then my mother.  I had the mother in law terror from my previous marriage and wow this is so much better..... 

You were born in your family for reason, even with all the bad I had, I look at all the good I have now and I knew how not raise my children and it worked.  I have 2 great kids that are growing into wonderful adults.


Livinginpeace Livinginpeace
41-45, F
21 Responses Jul 5, 2008

Me,too. I feel lousy now because I visited my relatives. Not seen them for a long time. I thought I moved go on chat chat but NOT I still felt left out. Everyone chat. I asked them to talk me but I'm very tired. In my mind bologna because they did talked talked. Beside I'm Deaf. Argh. I won't go there again. They always are busy. I gave them gifts. I got tiny gift. I said nothing just said I had a good time. I missed my old time. I am trying to get positive I just got surgery. They don't care. They don't ask me how I'm feeling. Somehow I got home I got feverish.

I can totally understand your feelings, living with a manipulative and obsessive mother from whose strings my older siblings have escaped, our family is chaotic, relatives being jerks, my mom being a jerk who doesn't give a crap about other people and their opinion. I'm a little young, but when I get of the age I'll also escape just like my sister and brother.

Awesome post, my motto it's not where you come from, its where you're aiming for, that counts!

me too!

**** me

I love that sentence: I stop letting the bad live rent free in my mind. serving the eviction notice isn't always easy. Glad you get along well with your in-laws. It just goes to prove that blood isn't thicker than water. You don't have to be related to someone for them to be family. Very happy for you. Keep up the great writing.

*shakes head* and tears well up

You should have wrote ' my family puts the Q in Dysfunctional'.

It's always strange when I hear stories of how other people feel toward their upbringing, because I guess we are all so private about it when it is going on, and aren't willing to talk about it till it is in our past. But one thing I want to say to all the younger people out there, younger than 40, I am 53, and thought that I had put my family issues behind me, but a funny thing happens when you finish raising your kids the way you always wanted to be raised, your mind has time to re-visit the harsher memories and would if's and should haves.....It becomes a slippery slope and confuses you as to why you are re-thinking all the things you thought you had put behind you. Could it be that your job as a parent was satisfying and fulfilling and then you realize you had unfinished business? I don't know what it is, not a counselor or a person who knows the reasons our minds wander where we don't want them to. But if I had a younger friend who confided in me that their past childhood was disturbing or not fulfilling, I would tell them to work it out while they are still in their thirties, because what you don't work out while your children are still young, will come back when you see them having children of their own. I know my kids had a great childhood, it was the best gift I could have given them, but there is still that piece of me that wants to fix what went on in mine, and that is impossible. I hope we can all learn from each other to better know how to handle our uncertain tomorrows.

Type your comment here...

Im glad to here that you have the support that all of us deserve and need in our lives. Love your kids and your family and support them no matter what. I hope you have voiced to your mother in law the respect and love you have for her. That is awesome! Many hugs to you!

funny how that works - you raise your children harshly and make everything hard, and they raise their children in a soft environment, who go and raise their children in a harsh environment...

talking about disfunktional my family is so messed up thier doping, dying one brother on trial for murder.<br />
most of it is caused from mental illness.<br />
I am afraid to have grand kids because of it. I know it's not up to me and my children are good but mental illness has afected them. if I have any I'll love and spoil

I really know what you mean. I didn't realize how much I had grown apart from my relatives until I went to visit them this summer. I talked to my cousin whom I haven't talked to in a long time. We were remembering times when we were younger. She told me about the time that her dad was disciplining her and he didn't have a belt so he kicked her in the butt instead. She was actually laughing about the situation. I didn't find it one bit funny. I don't agree with spanking kids as a way to raise them as my parents did the same to me when i was young. I realized that i don't have anything in common with these people whom i am related to. It really shocked me but made me realize that i have grown out of my family and need to look towards other people with similar interests and cares to be my "family".

Thanks for all the comments and support.. If you ever need talk always have an ear to lend...

Jeez, are we the same person, or what? I hear ya.

I understand. I thought I was the only one...I still have no children though. I am afraid to raise them since I feel that I had such a horrable upbringing I dont know how to be a mom, and I do not want my kids to feel about me the way I feel about mine. I have forgiven my mim for many things, there are just some things that I still can not get past.

This is a good story and glad to have read it. It's deep and gives insight into your world. Thank you for sharing.

Kudos to you!<br />
I come from a long line of alcoholics and co-dependent personality types on both sides of the tree.<br />
Unfortunately, people who come from these types of families tend to be drawn to, or attract, more dysfunction. We really have to make a conscious effort not to get involved in unhealthy relationships, not to live under the delusion that "If we love them enough, if we love them in the right way, they will be healed."<br />
<br />
Always take care of yourself first. This is not an excuse to walk all over people, to be inconsiderate or completely selfish. I think those of you who grew up with dysfunction and have lived with it in some way as an adult, know what I mean. You can't be there for the ones you love if you are not there for yourself first.<br />
<br />
I hope the rest of your days "livinginpain" are spent in joy.

Sugarplum, my family put the Funk in dysfunctional, so I KNOW what you mean. I'm so glad for you that you're in a better place now, family-wise. You're right, you are born into your family for a reason - sometimes to learn something, sometimes to teach and sometimes a little of both. <br />
If your family is/was not yet ready for the enlightenment you have to bring, then you'll see them in the next life anyway. So don't sweat it; Enjoy the family you have built for yourself in this life.

That's really wonderful you are able to find a supportive family setting to experience. You are totally right, the cards are dealt a certain way in which we don't have control over. We just have to find a way to find that happiness.