I hate my family. After years of trying to get some love and respect from them I have cut them off as best as I can. I say the best that I can because my wife gave them our phone number and my cell number (thinking that she could help "patch things up" between them and me). My father left when I was 7; I have never been able to please him even though I have never taken a dime of his money, have owned two homes, have a PhD, and have a very good job. After my father left my mother married a severely abusive alcoholic who would beat her and me on at least a weekly basis. My mother would blame me for her being with him: "YOU needed a male role model"; yeah, that is the male role model you want for your son. The only two people I was ever close with in my family were my grandmother (who died a few years ago) and my sister (who hasn't talked to me more than a cursory "hello" in the last 12 years). I don't have any of my own children, but I was a foster parent for several years and tried to keep in touch with my foster children, but even they ended ties with me.
JimJustJim JimJustJim
46-50, M
1 Response Aug 18, 2014

I have an opposite experience (sort of). My wife wants nothing to do with her father based on her experiences and perceptions (no abuse or anything - she just thinks he is selfish and uncaring). But I like the guy a lot. It is tough for the spouse to pretend not to like the family.

I can definitely understand that. My wife doesn't feel as strongly about my family, now (and she actually is fairly close to my father), as I do, but she has definitely seen what I have seen, especially on my mother's side. She gave my mother and my aunts my cell phone number several years ago. I don't want to change it, because I use it for work and have given out to so many people that I'm not even sure who has it. When we moved, a few years ago, she didn't give out our home number (which is unlisted), but still they got it somehow.

I have two sons. I cannot imagine how hard it would be if they didn't want to visit/talk with me. I can only assume I would do everything in my power to reestablish a connection. I'm not judging your situation. Your experience has just gotten me thinking, that's all.

I have tried to reestablish contact with my foster kids. One of them recently died. Another will talk to me sporadically, but usually only when she needs something (money, help moving, advice with her children, etc). As far as with my own family: I am open to communication with my father, but he isn't interested. I tried contacting him most recently on Father's Day, but there was no response. The same with his birthday and two other times I just contacted him to talk. He has never sent me a card or called on my birthday, but he never forgets to contact my wife on hers (in his defense, there, they share the same birthday, so it is easy for him to remember). As far as my mother and that side of the family goes, they are all emotionally abusive, especially my mother. When I was 7 I never understood why my father left (I often thought that I must have been a part of the reason, since nothing I ever did was good enough), but I can understand now why he would leave my mother.

It sounds tough any way you look at it. To be honest, I really cannot imagine that.

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