Depressed Person

I'm an lonely person.i go to the doctors for pain and they say it is due to my depression and that i need to get it in control before they treat my pain. i raised 5 kids while my husband drove across country for the last 25 years i stay alone my kids r grown and have their own lives that don't include me only when they want i am unemployed as is my husband for the last 3 months things r really hard, i guess I'm feeling sorry for myself. i have had plan to take my life if things don't get better. I've done it before about 15 times in the last 35 years but not successful. i can't control how i feel, i get on antidepressants but i never have the money to get them refilled. still can't i feel as useless as an old worn out shoe. I'm so lone all i want to do is cry i can't even think straight. one morning soon I'm going to take a drive but won't be back. have nothing to look forward to in my days at all. i pray to god really but is there really a god. I use to have a rewarding job, I worked in an assisted living faculity as a cook but I was having bad trouble with my depression so they let me go now i feel i have no future in site and that no one is hiring or will not hire because of what my past employer said to them. so here i am a big nothing. don't feel no love or i could write more but i don't think i'm writing what is suppose to write

momforthefirsttime momforthefirsttime
46-50, F
1 Response Oct 26, 2009

I'm sure your children and your husband love you very much, and trust me if you took your own life they would be lost without you. they just don't show it, and don't know how its effecting you. You can get a job, just don't put down your past employer...put down housewife or something for the years you didn't work. you can join a club or pick up a hobby to meet friends. trust me, things can get better, you just need to put yourself out there!