Goin' Through Changes

I can't sleep.. got only 2 hours left to stay up again but somethin's bothering me. The past few days were a revelation of my becoming and although where I'll be at next week is still in question, I wasn't scared or doubtful. I had come to a point where I've reached the downhill of being nobody with nothing. I felt the need to revive my faith if in case it had withered or changed. Close to losing a job, which is not necessarily a definite option..my position though carries a heavy load of leading a company from being built or dissolved from bankruptcy. So, if proposals don't work, I lose my job and company loses too. Besides that being the cause of my anxiety, I'm beginning to wonder the complexities of my behavior towards relationship.. quiet a surprise given that it had built a name for me. I wasn't concerned about people's perception but rather remorse towards my growing disability. There's no doubt that it was nothing but honed by experience. My new pursuit was not out of unhappiness and discontent but eagerness of what's on the other side. I never had any problems forgiving someone no matter what gravity that person had put me through. So that may not be the issue. I think.. it's the manner of rushing the getting over stage. I didn't have time to mingle with the emotional manifestations of the situation because I thought it was a waste of time. And so the whole process had altered my innate characters and hence grown into a cancer. Do I need to go back and reminisce each and every pains of my experience. There were too much of it, so I guess, I just have to arrive at a conclusion, that as oppose to what everyone (who personally knows me) believes, I am human and was hurt significantly too.
pursuitoftheblackwidow pursuitoftheblackwidow
31-35, F
1 Response May 7, 2012

i wish i could hug you. just a hug. i don't like knowing you are suffering.