Who Am I

Iam from a traditional family. My mother used to let out her anger about other things on me. I am an intelligent person and I was always perfectly aware of whats right or wrong. so when she used to punish me I knew when I was right and wrong .But she never bothered to understand how I felt. Then movies,books and fantasy world became my only hope. I was a late bloomer and it added to my stress. I had crushes but none noticed me. I grew depressed and resorted to self hurting process. I started failing in school tests and even public examination. My mother saw my secret diary and came to know that am hurting myself with knife when am hurt.Then she changed how she behaves to me. Then i bloomed and people started noticing me. Boys began to approach me. Having no idea of whats life I fell for the wrong person. He didnt use me or anything but i was so in love with the idea of love that I forgot what is love. He got cold feet seeing my over enthusiasm and possessiveness and left me. In that anger I started having relation with another guy which had some kind of petting involved, Then he was a flirt and I left him. Then I met another guy who was like the first guy in appearance and I started behaving like girls in movies. Some characters that would attract boys. We started having relation but I was not myself. He was a verbal abuser and my self hurting problem returned. I could not bear the pressure cooker life. He started cheating on me and blamed me. I suffered for some time and later exploded and he left me.The shock was so much that I got asthma which no medicine could cure.slowly when i started getting over him the asthma went away.Then I met another guy who started really loving me but by then I lost all faith in people. This guy helped me regain the faith in people. He showed me what love is. I admire this person. I feel like I lost the ability to love someone. I am in a relation with him. I care for him. I thought i started loving this guy too. But now my first love came back to me. We became friends when I was with the third guy but now he is showing interest to come back. I am having goosebumps. I feel like a teenager when I talk to him. I rejected him but I cant stop thinking about him. What should I do? Who am I?
cancerheart cancerheart
22-25, F
May 15, 2012