Seriously? What Is Wrong With You?

Haha. I get that a lot. I do and say things that are almost always completely out of the norm. I love to do things to get attention. I will go to great extremes to get attention from other. Through this, I found that I have a passion for acting, giving speeches, and over all public performance. I thoroughly love to entertain others because that is entertainment for me.

However, like most people, I have hurts that go too deep and scars that won't fade. I have discovered that I enjoy being crazy, loud, and attention seeking because it helps me cover up the person on the inside. I have always looked down upon girls that pour their emotions out to everybody (no offense to anybody. Honestly, it's just what I was taught growing up.) Because of that, I try very hard not to let others into my life enough that they see the hurts and scars that I carry. I like being the crazy, fun loving, and out going friend because it gives people this illusion that I do not hurt like they do, like we all do.

The slightly depressing part though, is that occasionally I do let people inside my head and my heart; sometimes it's a boyfriend or maybe even a friend that I have become quite close to. When this happens I can tell that they think I am lying about my pains because I do not show it to most others. I hate that I have become so much of another person to the people around me that I cannot lean on them when I crave to open up.

I am going to start working on this issue. It will be a difficult task because I have lived this way for most of my life and now I really feel that I have no idea how to open up to others. I have no idea how to just relax and be myself. This is something that must be fixed.
deadlyeggroll deadlyeggroll
18-21, F
2 Responses May 24, 2012

the first part of what you typed while reading it . it was like me looking through a mirror . in my offline i do crazy **** . mostly for the attention or to get people to laugh . laugh is the best medicine . * i have stated that to so many people, repeatedly* . I do have hurts and issues though i have no problem expressing it with venting . I vent out a lot . Something i am trying to stop . I also am a type of person who will be there for anybody that needs a shoulder to cry on . to make them laugh . for them to vent out . If you ever need that . I am here always . right around a corner . and if you don't believe i like attention . ;) . read some of my stories . It will truly convince you that i do crazy **** . and get a lot of attention from it . I tell you no lie ;) . take care and i like people who does crazy **** . So you are A OK in my book :) .

Good luck with this and just remember there is nothing wrong with being different. and opening up to people and sometimes friends sometimes is not easy.