Thank God I Am Not Where I Used To Be!It is such a terrible thing that we can be our own worst critics. Telling others how to forgive and put the past behind, but having trouble following our own advice, ever feel that way? And if you have, and I am sure you have, maybe just brushed it off as no big deal, or..... you gave yourself that pep talk that you get started on it right away, maybe tomorrow, or whenever the opportunity arose. Well, I have found myself over the span of time coming to realize every mistake and every bad choice I made seemed to come back to bite me in the ***. "excuse my language" Not because of what anyone else said or did most of the time, but because of the thoughts my mind would plant bringing about guilt, self pity, insecurity, regrets, and the coulda, woulda, shoulda's that just can't be done over! So I began to think on my repetetive cycle of thoughts, and what triggered the vicious cycle and web of deceit I tried so hard to learn from but never could quite get it down. I came to the conclusion that I have way too much time on my hands for one thing, and that if I kept looking back and focusing on my past, I'll never have to focus on the here and now and what I could do to change my future. Now I am a firm believer that you shouldn't live in the past, or focus on the future, because really all we have is today. Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may very well never come, so what can I do just for today!? Well, I began to review what my life looked like 5, 10, 15 to 20 years ago and what it was like now, today, and you know what I found out? Well I'll be darned, there is a marked improvement from back then till now. So even IF I am not completely happy with who I am today, I thank GOD I am not where I used to be. So you see folks, it COULD be a whole lot worse. You could still be that immature, rebellious, selfish, self centered and non caring individual of the past, but your not! At least I'm not! I am now a loyal, kind, selfless, mature (for the most part, I still act like a kid sometimes), obedient, caring, compassionate and forgiving person. I am definitely not who I used to be and each day I am redefined as I push forward in faith to go beyond what I am comfortable with, and to hopefully inspire and encourage others that..." if I could do it"....( and trust me, I had a colorful and messed up past)....so can YOU! And don't let people who don't understand or who haven't been there make you feel ashamed or guilty either, because sometimes they try. What matters is that you know you are doing the very best you can just for today! Keep on believing in you, and the God of your understanding.... and with His help you will do it!
prettywomanNautumn 51-55, F 1 Response 0 Sep 24, 2010