I'm A Failure

I am a complete total failure and there is no way for me to change it. I'm to old to do what it'd take.
I did not even graduate high school. I had no vision as to the future and no interests in a career. What I wouldn't give to be young again and have my school years back.
The only job I had with a future I ended up quitting to take care of my sick mother. Went broke and lost my husband over that.
Now I am 52 years old, single with a young son to care for and a sick crippled mother. I have legal problems due to lack of money. I do not own a home or a vechicle. I do not have a driver license because of the legal issues (I've never had a wreck and do not drink or take drugs But because of a couple of bad checks I can not have a license) I also can not get insurance for a vechicle.
Now I do drive without a license. How am I supposed to get grocerys or take my mother to the doctor? there is no one else to do these things for us and we are too far out of town to walk.
My life is over. No way I can over come all this ****. Maybe if I won the lottery and could pay off all the fines and warrents but that won't ever happen. I know my time is limited. I will have to kill myself to keep from spending the rest of it in jail.
This is sure not the way I expected life to be and it was not the way i was raised.
cinch cinch
46-50, F
6 Responses Dec 25, 2010

Beware I'm only 20 so I can't advise much to someone of your age.<br />
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You are just like my friend's mom, who I admire so much. You made a very humane choice: giving up your job to take care of your mother. People are worth more than anything else. When the Lord looks at a summary of your life after you're dead, he'll see what you did. Perhaps it means living the rest of your 30 years of life without much, but its only 30 years. Put it into perspective, and don't look at what other people your age have done. Just live, and make sure every day you get 30 minutes of time to sit down and watch TV, have some tea, etc... Give yourself a daily thing to look forward to.<br />
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Please don't give up hope. You haven't failed, you've just made the difficult choice. The right choice.

you aren't a failure, just rough times. I'll be 52 within a week and am surprised to still be alive. F:k em all still alive at 51. I Should have died years ago. You too will survive.

Thing is zill, I do not want to survive. I want it over. I just flat out do not want to be here.
I do not want to hear about my exhusbands nice home, new furniture or the new car he bought his girlfriend.
I just want to be gone.

if you came this far you are not a failure. I am sorry for all you are going through. I can't say things will get better like everyone else might say, but take it slowly and itemize what needs to be corrected and do them one at a time. Later you will look back and see how strong you were and still are. Chin Up girl. God bless.

Wow. That is very sad to read. Though you may not realize, your words probably helped someone else. And that is worth something!

wat u say eventually becomes wat u r. U r alive for areason. Pls stp thinking abt killing urself. Things really look ugly now, but I guarantee u dat if u decide to believe in God n tk it one day at a tym, u will pull thru. God loves u n u r not a failure.

wow that sux! im sitting here by myself watching football getting drunk n listening to journey. and i myself feel totally f?@cken alone. i am 37 dropped out of highschool and am living w my babies daddy! yesterday was xmas i bought him what he wanted and i got the cold shoulder. but thats not new. my whole family is here but im n the back bedroom alone life doesnt just sux 4 u. merry christmas