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Life Is A Rollercoaster.

I am reading the stories on here about not being where you want to be because that is how I feel. Most of you are so young though and I want to tell you that getting there is an uphill climb. I am 43 and I am not where I thought I would be - A college grad with a career,a family, a nice home,cars,retirement you know the works.

I wanted it so bad. I graduated early from high school and started college my senior year. I had to pay for college myself so of course I was working also. I took a certificate course so I could get a higher paying job for college. Then went back to college while working a full-time job and a part-time job. Things were going crazy with my health but I had my goals. One day I was having severe headaches and my boss sent me to an eye doctor. He told me I had MS and that he was surprised I was walking with everything on my schedule. He said I needed an emergency admittance to the hospital. I was only 22 and it was 1990. After a month in the hospital and being pumped full of steroids and other drugs lets just say I had to withdraw from college quit the part time job and cut back hours on the full time job. My boyfriend at the time I told him he was free o go because we did't plan on this. But guess what we got married a year later an have been married for 20 years and we have two kids.

Now I can't work anymore because I have lost my short term memory and some cognitive function. I love learning but because of the cognition and memory problems I can't go back to school. I have tried three times in the past and have always had to take a medical withdraw. I have had some great jobs over the years but nothing compared to what I wanted. Plus now that I  can't work our income has dropped drastically. So the nice cars are gone,we are about to lose our home,our retirement is gone, life insurance is gone,savings is gone.

What I do have is my Husband, my son and my daughter and for today that is enough.My  



But that doesn't stop the feeling that I am now useless because I can't contrbute to anything.
blackcloud1313 blackcloud1313 41-45, F 4 Responses Nov 11, 2011

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In this day and age we live in there is so much pressure, to get married by 30, to have good job by 30 to do EVERYTHING before 30, that once a person gets past 30 and hasn't achieved all this they feel like a failure. I know I do. I'm due soon for 30 (just turned 28 recently and depressed) I still haven;t got the teaching job I so wanted, and still want due to many relationship problems and family problems and health issues. I know 28 isn't that old, but its hard for me to see 21 and 22 year olds become teachers already it's like an arrow through the heart. I feel like a loser. I have just come out of a bad relationship as well that lasted a good few years. He held me back a lot.

I wish you happiness, and that you will find what it is you are looking for in life. I am sorry about your health problems. I have had my share of those as well. I have no children as yet so that's another thing..have kids before the magic 30....it gets so annoying!!

I know how you feel. I am 47. My husband and I worked so hard to Make a successful business and to retire comfortably. We managed to expand our business, buy a house and two houses on the beach. Just as we were talking about retiring and taking it easy, there was a revolution in my country. LOL Since then we feel so insecure. However, I have told my husband we have to catch the boat before it sinks. You know??? I have been telling my kids they have to leave and they should be ready to study abroad. At least they will have the choice to come back or not. We are thinking of liquidating and moving out and all those retirement dreams are on hold. I still believe there is a way out, it just has to be thought out. Don't wait to lose everything, there is a way out but you just have to find it.

Thank you for your courage in sharing this! It sounds like real challenge with so many factors you cannot control. So, don't try to control them. Master the things you can do. Remember, God has you here and now for a reason! The strength and grace you show will forever guide your children adn even other people!

Lobo6

Hey , it's what I was dealt in life. Just trying to make sense of it all.