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My War My Loss. - Something From Last Summer. Again.

Breathing in the smoke , feel like falling
deep breath , rain pouring
blow the smoke out , it flies in the air
fading slowly , I wish I could disappear

I take a look at the sky , feel the breeze on my skin
my knees feel like they'd give in , my eyes go blind, nearly.
I start falling down a little, I can't see clearly
I got back up , it aches on my bones
I straighten up...
my legs , lean on my arms , look down
I could jump , fall down , die and never be loved
no more.
Never be found
found by the one I loved before
back then when I could still feel more
than just the pain , now all I need is my own restrain
it's taking my life away ,I've got too strong for myself.

Take another breath , breathe the smoke within
Close my eyes ... Think of him
Imagine someone watching me , I get scared
I get caught
caught of still being here
still alive.

Is it real ? Is it all gone
is this what I'm feeling only tearing me apart
Is it me ? 
Is it my past
Is it my memories

It's my mind.

What am I doing here ?
I'm surviving I say.
But everyday I just fade away a little more
day by day
I watch it all pass by
Days fly by me , All I love
All I need

I was never enough , never belonged ,
I never gave up , never found home.

Now I'm all alone
Fighting against her
the one who made me think there will be better days
She is getting weak , drops her shelter , falls down
and disappears
I killed her.

Sonia's dead.

who am I ? with only ana and suicide left on my mind
I'm the load she used to carry
Heart cold as ice , which pieces I keep locked up inside
inside the shelter made of lies
and not even fire could burn brighter than those eyes.



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and then after 2 weeks another trip to hospital and then .... a month and a half at the ED clinic ..... ewh.
BloodOnLace BloodOnLace 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 13, 2012

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the reason why I posted these on here is that I never thought I'd be ready to end my life this young. or even think of it.