Failed potential.I was born with a natural aptitude in many areas of life. I won races, I was good in school, I got the leads in the Christmas plays, and I was a talented musician, among other things. That might not sound particularly impressive seeing as how all of this began in a small town in Ontario that hardly anyone has heard of, but you probably would be impressed by the fact that I almost got to meet Bill Clinton at the age of ten because of an essay I wrote.
At my core I am a very ambitious person. I wanted to utilize the talents I was born with to accomplish a lot with my life. I never did anything just for the pure joy of it. If I did it, it was because I wanted to go somewhere with it. A lot of my joy comes from achievement. That is just the kind of person I am. I spent a long time apologizing for that, but now I realize that there is nothing wrong with these qualities. Anyway, I digress...
When I was a kid, I thought that at the age of twenty-three I would have graduated from either an Ivy League or RADA. That, sadly, could not be farther from the truth. I nearly flunked out of high school, lol. I failed an entire semester of university as well, actually. I am pathetic and very, very far away from the road to success. If the thirteen year old me knew what she would be like in ten years, she probably would have tried to kill herself again.
The reasons why I have turned into a failure of a human being can ultimately be boiled down to my mental illness and the fact that I did not grow up in a supportive environment. I was not properly medicated up until a couple of years ago. I am a bit more stable now, but I still struggle. That is what frustrates me the most. For me simply being "normal" is a struggle much less being extraordinary. It is a terrible feeling knowing that you could have been so much more had you never been overtaken by something inside you.
deleted 26-30 1 Response 1 Oct 15, 2012