Failed potential.

I was born with a natural aptitude in many areas of life. I won races, I was good in school, I got the leads in the Christmas plays, and I was a talented musician, among other things. That might not sound particularly impressive seeing as how all of this began in a small town in Ontario that hardly anyone has heard of, but you probably would be impressed by the fact that I almost got to meet Bill Clinton at the age of ten because of an essay I wrote.

At my core I am a very ambitious person. I wanted to utilize the talents I was born with to accomplish a lot with my life. I never did anything just for the pure joy of it. If I did it, it was because I wanted to go somewhere with it. A lot of my joy comes from achievement. That is just the kind of person I am. I spent a long time apologizing for that, but now I realize that there is nothing wrong with these qualities. Anyway, I digress...

When I was a kid, I thought that at the age of twenty-three I would have graduated from either an Ivy League or RADA. That, sadly, could not be farther from the truth. I nearly flunked out of high school, lol. I failed an entire semester of university as well, actually. I am pathetic and very, very far away from the road to success. If the thirteen year old me knew what she would be like in ten years, she probably would have tried to kill herself again.

The reasons why I have turned into a failure of a human being can ultimately be boiled down to my mental illness and the fact that I did not grow up in a supportive environment. I was not properly medicated up until a couple of years ago. I am a bit more stable now, but I still struggle. That is what frustrates me the most. For me simply being "normal" is a struggle much less being extraordinary. It is a terrible feeling knowing that you could have been so much more had you never been overtaken by something inside you.
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1 Response Oct 15, 2012

... wait, what? Who told you you've failed? Don't listen to such finalistic opinions. Let me show you: My educational system is a bit different, but I was nearly held back a grade in my elementary school, in both fifth and sixth grade. In my middle school, I almost failed the second year, and God and God alone knows what miracle saved me on the first year. One of the professors actually told me that I would never stand a chance of finishing middle school and that someone like me should just give up. I finished it with an average score of 4.00 (maximum was 5.00). I went to college, and I kept failing at multiple exams, dragging them with me for multiple semesters. 90% of the exams I did succeed in were scored with grade 6 (the system uses grades of 5-10, where 5 is for fail, and 10 as top). But I never stopped trying, even when people began losing faith in me. And my grades eventually went up. Now I work in education, as an elementary school English teacher. If someone had said something like that a decade ago, the only people other then myself who wouldn't say :"*insert random vulgarity here* like he'll ever succeed at something like that" would have been my parents. And even they would have only stayed quiet out of their sense of support.The point is, just because it seems like it looks like you failed at something doesn't mean it's over. Even if you say it yourself. You are just as young as I am. Maybe younger. Who knows what awaits you in a year or two? Don't say that "simply being "normal" is a struggle much less being extraordinary" in such a way that it seems like you need the former for the later. You are already extraordinary, just for being yourself, Mari. Don't forget that :)