Ignored (not Forgotten) Anniversary

Feeling just a little hurt right now. Unfortunately this is not a new occurrence in this relationship. My man ignored our anniversary today. I specifically say ignored, not forgotten, because he didn't forget it. He knows today was our 5 year anniversary because it is also his birthday and I've gone through a lot of effort to make it a special birthday. It is not a milestone birthday, but I've done a lot of things to make it special including buying him a $200 phone I could barely afford, cake, candles, singing, card and texts. Heard nothing for our anniversary, not even happy anniversary. When I asked him if he remembered what else today is, he says sure its our 5 year. I said, "and?" He says "and, what? You didn't get me anything for our anniversary." Sitting in the parking lot of an expensive Chinese place picking up the dinner that he wanted tonite, crying. I'm just so tired of being disregarded. Any advice? I know I need to end it for good but we have a 9mon old baby together and I don't want him to miss out on the special time that is babyhood/toddlerhood. I feel so worthless anymore that I almost don't feel like I deserve better anymore. Besides who would want to be in a relationship with someone with a baby from another man? Someone who gives too much and doesn't learn from it?
FracturedSpirit FracturedSpirit
36-40, F
1 Response Oct 19, 2012

Ouch. I have been there.Sounds like you have two babies. Living with a very selfish and self- center person hurts beyond words.
You have choices that are difficult either way: 1) recognize he isn't going to change, and accept it. If this is your choice, you are going to get your love bucket filled in other ( non - romantic) relationships. You can choose to keep,loving him , but fully aware he is extremely limited in giving it back. To survive it, you will have to work through your disappointment, stop resenting,for your own mental health.

2) Leave

3) Keep on the way it is and be miserable.

I am assuming you already have expressed your deep heart- hurt and not seen any evidence he really cares you are hurting, or perhaps, he wants to hurt you due to his feeling like a victim.

I know how painful this is. I send you a hug.

Thank you very much for your insight. It helps to have my feelings validated, even if by a stranger : ) You are completely correct that I have tried to discuss this with him several times but his response is that it is my fault for one reason or another. I know what I need to do, it is just hard. Thanks for your kind support and I'm glad to hear that you have moved on from a similar situation :)

Yes, it is the hardest task we human beings have. Only you can decide what you can take. Whether or not it is gross insensitivity, or extends into abuse, only you know.
You sound like a very giving and loving person. Only know that the way he treats you is NOT a reflection on your worth,or the delight of your fabulous birthday gifts, just his limitations. I suspect, deep inside, he doesn't feel worthy of you.