Why does it seem like I'm going nowhere and I'm almost 30. Every aspect of my life is just a mess right now.
mlia48 mlia48
26-30, F
24 Responses Aug 19, 2014

sorry to hear this

Start first by figuring out where you WANT to go. Getting there isn't the point. Having direction helps so that way the journey has meaning.

It's been 7 months since I posted this yet nothing has changed, if any, I'm more confused, but thank you.

Do you not know what you want?

No, I don't.

Shouldn't you start there?

And how you propose I do that?

Have you ever made a list of things that make you happy? Have you ever sat down to think about the things you like to do or the things that you would like to do?

Your writings suggest that you are a passenger in your own life instead of being the driver.

I have but circumstances won't let me have it. And yes I am aware of that, it's pathetic, I know.

Not pathetic

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Somewhat It's the same feeling...

If that's the case then I hope we all get over with this feeling soon...

This is my first time on this site and I gotta admit, I'm really liking it. U get to talk with people who are going thru similar times/struggles which I can imagine helps out immensely. There's quite the satisfaction in knowing you truly aren't alone. Im 32 and haven't figured it out yet, but I'm gonna! Just keep ur head up the best u can, and when ur having a trying time doing so, think about the things u can be truly grateful for.

I'm sorry to hear. Things have been rather interesting for me as well.

Well I've been trying to sort things out lately and posts like yours and the ones above have really been helpful so thanks! 😉

I am very spiritual and I found this YouTube channel. It has helped me a lot. Maybe it will you too.


I'm 35. At times I feel like my life is passing me by, and I don't know how that happened. You can talk to me whenever you're feeling down :)

You're a man. It's very much different when you're a man. You get to have all the privileges such as getting hired for certain jobs, and girls will still be throwing themselves at you even if you're 50. Lol. Doesn't work that way for us women though. But anyway thanks. 😉

Well no woman has thrown herself at me yet ;) But maybe at age 50......Well discrimination is not cool. I wish women got hired just as easily as men. You have boobs. We don't. But do you have a brain? Yes! Does it work? Often better than most guys.
And then there's the sexual harassment at work.....do women grope guys? Noooo. Do guys grope women? Yes! (Not me, though ;) )

Well you better be ready for these women, they must've waited for you for so long! Lol. Hmm... It seems to me that you'd rather have boobs and wanted to be groped? Tell me I'm wrong? 😉

Hahahaha I do love boobs. But not on me, sweetie ;)

Hahaha. Well good thing that's settled. But in my opinion you should still consider yourself lucky you're male.

You are funny, though :) I like you :)

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I just turned 30 a few weeks ago. If I had been asked a few years ago if I would have my ducks in a row by now, I'd have answered a resounding NO! A little time can change a lot, though. In the past few years, my husband and I have paid off over $100,000 in debt and completely turned our lives around. It took a lot of sacrifice and hard work, and a fair amount of luck - I won't lie. You can do it, too. Make goals and stick to them. Find others with similar goals and work together. Put yourself and your family first, and cut off anyone or anything that is toxic to the way you want to live.

You're not alone. I wish you the best.

A lot of people at your age and older can say the same thing. The only people that really get where they want to go sacrifice the things that are really important. You have to be selfish to go to the top sometimes. Then you just become lonely in the end.

I can approve the second part. And I'm not able to say, if it's worth it. Sometimes I have the feeling it is, sometimes the opposite.

Your generalization is just that... a generalization. I got exactly where I wanted to go. Yes, we sacrificed a lot (my husband had to take an overseas contracting job for almost two years to get our finances straight), but we're not "lonely in the end." Nor did we sacrifice anything we deemed as of the utmost importance. Yes, he missed some time with his family, but he's back and the kids are young enough that they didn't really notice he was gone. Now instead of struggling through the next twenty years trying to make ends meet and never seeing him because he has to work overtime... he's home and we have a lot less financial stress. Two years versus the next twenty? I'll take it!

You make your goals and you do what it takes to achieve them. Bitterness toward those of us who have achieved serves nothing. You can change your stars, but not without effort.

Come on chin up,,,,,, look at what you have achieved huh,,,, the rest will come if you want it to,,,,,,

don't be too hard on yourself

O dear, I feel sorry things aren't where you want them to be right now, but believe me...hang in there!, things WILL GET BETTER TOMORROW!! Just be thankful for the good things in your life. Think of all the battles you fought and won in the past, all the times you overcame the difficult circumstances life chucked at you. You will find that your greatest strengths were honed while being faced with your greatest adversities. Keep your chin up! and SMILE:)

If your life seems to be a mess, take a scott towel wash it and start again^^

C'est la vie sweet thang

I understand how you feel, I'm turning 26 today and always thought I would've had so much more figured out at this time and be successful at something, or at least found my passion in life. Instead I just keep freaking out about the future. It feels like time is running out for me to do something about it.

Happy Birthday.
Here is a little bit of advice.
You will never learn you enjoy where you're going unless you learn to enjoy where you are.

It's funny how certain age brackets tend to post similar topics. Young kids type am I pretty, I want to die, life is so unfair. This post definitely rang out to me. The advice you gave is nice advice from someone who's been there. We're all different, yet so similar.

Trust me hon, There are days I need reminding too.

Thank you! Great advice, it's so true! I will try to keep this in mind everyday.

Hey happy birthday! I know exactly how you feel. You know what they are right, we should take it slow, cut ourselves some slack but we should also keep moving forward. I hope this works out well for both of us.

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We'll problems occurred created blockages in your life to keep you in a certain place so you won't fulfill your very Destiny but you still have hope to hold on too, You can even live longer despite your age being young and healthy, There are ways to eating that can accomplish this for you ever most truly indeed....

the greatest mess in life occurs when during the period 18 - 35 yrs. we tend to focus more on relationships than work, career or achievements. Later it takes time and perseverance to re-engineer and rejig life and it can still happen for the better. sorting things out is the way forward pal.

So change it.

Easier said than done. But thanks anyway

Lmao, what an excuse, and THAT IS WHY you are still where you are at in life despite being 30 years old, let me know when that perspective on life changes, should be interesting how you go about changing it, when just going for it is so easy lol.

I said I'm ALMOST 30, I'm 28. And yeah you're probably right. It's totally an excuse why I needed to stop a while and think where I'm headed because after years and years of education and a doctorate degree, I still haven't figured out if this is what I really wanted. So thank you for making me realize that.

Sarcasm is weak for being so educated, I am done with this. Try living out childhood dreams, or doing something you wanna do. You want to build model air planes, then go do it. As you are now your wasting your life away, beating around the bush. Realise that.

Good Bye.

Get back to me when you're 30 and tell me again how perpetually awesome your life is! You must be a rockstar I gotta worship you!

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This describes me in everyway! Exacly how I feel!

I understand where you are coming from. I am 33, never been married and no children. The best thing I can suggest to you is for you to figure out what is holding you back from acheiving your goals and is it worth holding on to the weight that is holding you down and not enabling you to move forward in life (being that your life is a mess). Alot of times we have toxins in our life that are hard to let go or get rid of and they will pollute our lifestyle causing anxiety, self-esteem problems and motivation problems. If something or someone is toxic to you then more than likely it is not good for you. Once you remove the "toxic" things from your life.. and recover. .u will see a light shine on a path to your life goals.

Perfectly said. Thanks

I wish you the best dear!!

Not sure if this helps:
Life is not the way we think it's suppose to be, it's the way it is. The way we cope with it is what makes the difference.
Try to prioritize and handle one thing at a time.

Don't say that. You're just need to hang on. I'm sure something big is coming and worth waiting. Life will always be a mess if you believe it that way :)

Hang in there. We are often our own harshest critics and rarely meet our own expectations. Don't compare yourself to others, they would often disagree with you. Stop dwelling on what you haven't accomplished but think about what you want to. Life isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. Every step counts.

Hey thanks

Its an effect caused by stress called "Feeling of Hopelessness" you use to feel like nothing is going according to your plans,you started to feel yourself like a loser,blame yourself & sometimes even others for your failures,etc. But, remember that's normal & happens to everyone at some point of their lives..& at your age its very normal but don't let this negative stresser to last long,coz if it sustains then it might become an problem for you in future. To motivate you i want to say "When life knocks you down,calmly get back up,smile & say You hit like a *****" or you can opt for counselling.
P.S-I'm a medical & psychiatric Social work student

Thank you for your very conprehensive response but to be honest I dont feel hopeless, otherwise I'd be a candidate for depression since it's been over a year since I'm stuck with this feeling. I actually have accomplished a lot academically the past years but now I don't know where I'm headed. Heck, I don't even know what I want. It's just crazy.

Hmmm...then tell me 1)Other then Academics is there any other thing you love & enjoy doing it a lot???
2)Did your parents/guardians always try to suggest you career option for you??
3)Did you always consider other people's plate might be tastier then yours??

1) a lot? I pretty much like a lot of things but not enough to be passionate about it. 2) yes 3) yes

Hmmm...its funny to me but will you mind if i'll be true speaker..no doubt that i might be dead wrong or over smart..so its your wish if you wanna know then i'll tell you and may suggest you to overcome this feeling..

Uhm I didn't quite get what you mean but ok.

I mean that i saw some problem in your thinking pattern and some side of yours that you might be unaware of...i'm just asking that do you wanna know...i'm also doubting myself that i also might be wrong about you...

Oh that. What do you mean problem in my thinking pattern?

Did you noticed i asked those questions for a reason...you know these days our formal education,society,parents & almost everyone only teaches you "what to think?" what they don't teach you is "how to think?",i think you were always influenced by others,sometimes you were confused about your life & need solutions from others,you always think others are much more happier then you,but in reality you were also in very good condition..am i right???
P.S-Sorry if i'm mistaken

Well what you aaid is partially true. But it is a lot more complicate than that. Thank you for your insight though, you are a smart kid.

Ha..ha..thanks..i'm just kinda like doing my practice to read & understand peoples psychology..Don't worry everything will be alright..just give the time some Time..GBU

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it's a good sign because it means you think about your life... sooner or later, you will find a way

Gosh I hope sooner... But thanks... It just sucks not to know where you're headed.

but it happens you change your goals, you find out yhat something is not making you happy even if you once thought it will... there are lots of people who just live, day to day, with no goals, no motivation, just make it to the next day. I'm not judging anyone, but for me, that wouldn't be much satisfying. So I also have to think time to time if I am where I want to be or at least on the right way. And mostly, the answer is negative, that means change something. Every change cause mess in the beginning. etc. I hope you can understand what I mean :) just stay thinking and finding your way