I Feel Like A Failure
I'm 40. When I was growing up, I was the whiz kid in school, all A's, very advanced in math. I went to Harvard, then to another Harvard grad school. I always had great grades and I got an awesome job out of grad school - something that many coveted. I worked, worked, worked all the time.
I wanted to be rich. I still want to be rich. Not just well-off in the comfortable 5-bedroom-house-nice-car-and-private-school-for-kids kind of way, but in the $100 million net worth kind of way.
So I jumped from the very prestigious track I was on. Then I found myself stuck in middle management, unable to move up because of politics. So I switched careers and clawed my way close to the top ... only to get laid off last year when the economy tanked.
Now I look at so many of my peers who are doing so well -- several entrepreneurs, at least 3 who run their own hedge funds, partners at top-notch i-banks/law-firms/consulting-firms, published authors, White House appointees, CNN appearances, etc. This, after all, is the HARVARD alumni network, not State U. I'm sorry to sound snobbish, but it's a fact - Harvard alumni do better on average, and many have fantastically successful careers (like the guy in the white house currently).
And where am I? 40 years old and getting unemployment benefits.
I am so ashamed - I don't want to go to any class reunions. I feel as if the universe is mocking me - I've worked so hard all my life and I seem to be getting further and further behind my peers.
I'm now trying to start a business which I think may take me to where I want to go - but it's been a long struggle and I'm not sure it will succeed. If it doesn't, I seriously don't know what to do.
Please don't get me wrong - I'm not hurting; I have some net worth; I can probably get a six-figure job without too much effort. I'm married and I have a healthy happy kid. My wife's a doctor and we have nannies to do child care so I can focus on my business. So I know my situation does not cry out like so many others, and I know at one level that I'm being a total crybaby for whining like this.
But that's not what I want. It's not what I studied and worked so hard for. It's not the reason I've kept a running list of business ideas and why I've started at least 5 different ventures. It's not the reason I've sacrificed my vacations and spent virtually every waking moment of my life working.