A Moment Of Silence

Tonight when I got home, I decided I did not want the TV....or music...or really any form of noise other than the thoughts in my head.  My world seems to be a mass of over stimulation and I have decided to embrace this moment of silence and just allow myself to take a little bit of time to just slow down.  I have chosen to post a story that may or may not be wordy depending on how much I feel I need to say to quiet things down just a little bit more.  My goal is to be okay....if even for the moment.

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine tonight about the budding relationship she is in.  She is having sincere feelings for the man she has been seeing and is afraid to vocalize her thoughts for fear that he may not feel the same.  I told her that she should at least indicate in some manner or another that she is enjoying their time together and to just take it from there.  I followed by commenting that she can either spend the time nurturing whatever is going on between them with the belief that it is beautiful and there is more to come....or she can sabotage not only the moment...but whatever may transpire by expecting and waiting for the worst.

I mention this because as I was telling her this, I realized that I really need to LISTEN to what I was saying myself and implementing that into my own thought process.  My life has been/ is changing dramatically.  Whether I like it or not...nothing is as it was.  I can relive the past over and over in my mind, but it will not reverse the effects of anything that has occured.  I can embrace the bitterness....or long for what I have lost...but nothing will bring it back.  Nothing will be or can be changed.  That chapter of my life has been written and can only be useful as a reference at this point.  As the author, I continue to pen my story.  If I believe that I am writing an inspirational piece on success...I increase the odds that, at the very least, I will proceed with a little self confidence and sway the odds in my favor.  If I choose to consider my story a tragedy...I am setting up the framework for ultimate failure.  I don't like to fail. 

While I cannot retrieve the things that I have lost or alter the decisions that I have been made....I CAN grab a hold of the wheel at any given moment and proceed a little more consciously through the present.  I haven't spent much time here...in the moment.  I'm to busy despairing over the past or fearing the future.  At this moment, I have a wonderful family.  I have dedicated and enjoyable friends.  I have produced an outline for so many positive outcomes.  Right now, I have utilized many of my resources to make the most of a bad situation.  I have to dig a little deeper to truly flourish because I am hesitant, stubborn and scared...but there is no doubt that the person I was can certainly continue to be enhanced and improved upon.  The person I am is already wiser and more capable than ever before.  I'll pull together the pieces of me I lost upon the way.  I'll put to rest the shards of my personality that do nothing more than sabotage my efforts.  I will do all of this in my own time...in present time...and when I reflect back I will see that the best thing I ever did was to enjoy was to embrace the moment.
evolving2010 evolving2010
36-40, M
3 Responses Jan 16, 2011

From a gal who struggles to leave the past in the past and live in the present, taking chances nurturing that which is right in front of her, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the time you took to write this. To share yourself and encourage others.<br />
<br />
I give great advice as well, I would be better off if I took my advice from time to time :D

Perfect timing for me. I look ahead, I look behind, but I forget so often about the here and now. I have been thinking this for a while now, but finally hearing (or actually reading it) makes it sink in a little deeper

It is so true. It's often easier to give others better advice than we apply ourselves. You sound like you do have a lot of good things in your life. You will get there, living in the moments that we have, really grabbing our life and enjoying it, is all any of us can hope to do.