Seems Like I'm Not

Deep down inside I know that I will always have certain traits and act a certain way, when faced with different situations, but I am stronger and happier than I was before and that is a huge change in its self. I grew tired of feeling like I did, who wants to feel like they don't deserve to live? I couldn't cope with myself and now I've changed quite a bit, might not seem that way, but trust me when I say I have. I have decided to do what makes me happy, take a few small risks and not apologize for things I didn't do. The only things I am responsible for are my decisions and choices. Everything I say or do has an impact on those around me, I know this so I avoid making decisions that could cause harm to others. Also I have decided to try different things, just to see what would happen, of course this didn't make my parents very happy, but it was a little surprising to see how they reacted. Being a little cheeky, standing a little bit taller, actually shouting at my dad, not doing certain things, showing a lack of concern, hell I decided to actually act my age and be a miserable teenager (really it was entertaining and I was enjoying myself, they got mad with me, but really I didn't do too much or cause a lot of damage). For those who truly know me, know that I really understand a lot more than I should at this point, my actions and behaviors are well thought out most of the time and when they aren't, I look inside myself to see why I did what I did. I know that at any point in time, I can go back to being the way I was, which was shy, self-defeating, apologetic, stressed, miserable, confused, dissociative and pessimistic, but do I really want to?