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I'm Nice, I'm Polite, I Listen Well...

...but I also count the number of people I really trust on single digits.

It's not that I don't like people, I just like them in small doses.  I don't trust most people at all, though I've gotten quite good at concealing this fact from most everyone.

The first thing I ask myself whenever someone starts up a conversation is "What do they want from me?", the second is "How are they going to get it?"

Most of the time people just want to talk, a bit of discussion, a bit of discourse, perhaps an opinion or two.  So why is it that I get all the ones who want money or a warm body to make use of for a while?  It's happened too many times - too many friends who took me for money and work and made out like bandits in the end, too many people who wanted to add me to their collection of freaks they can say they know or names to drop to make themselves look more interesting.

I'm a lot of things - not all of them good, I hasten to add - but I don't operate that way.  I at least ask nicely and explain myself up front if I want something from someone.  When last I checked, that was considered good manners, even in the United States.
Timebender Timebender 31-35 79 Responses Jun 2, 2010

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Beware of drug addicts and alcoholics...the biggest users of ALL.

I am real and I care. Sorry for all the losers.

to i am not who they think i am"people take kindness for weakness"been there where you are,the trouble is you.the heart is a lonley hunter and you let your self get dumped on ,the are always watching for a soft touch.you too are looking for love in all the wrong places.get a pup and take walks,animal lovers will stop you and you will meet people with a common intrest.you will even meet people in your hood!now toughen up ,it's tough out there and you don't owe your income nor body to nobody-god bless.

That's how I exactly feel and it kills me! Seriously.

Don't worry,this kind of people loose more than what they think have won ! Loosing a kind person is the worse we can expect ! money come and goes,but not people ! you may loose one person,but you'll find ten ! Be yourself ,no matter what they think !

Timebender,<br />
I admire what you have said here and give you credit for realizing it about yourself. Not everyone can understand that they don't trust someone for a reason. There seemingly is never a reason, when argued about. But not only did you give a reason, you gave an example and backed up your claim with concrete experiences. I see myself in this text and must say, Good For You! : )

Change your frequency change your life.

thank you its nice to know some one out there feels the same way

I know how you feel, friend. I'm the same way.

I have been in your situation... Advising is not going to help you actually... All you need for now is just one person to whom you can let your guard down.... Until then please don't get offended by how people treat you. This is a bad bad world and we have to be a little bad just to survive... Being nice is going to hurt us only.... <br />
Hope you feel better soon... :)

It's crazy I was just thinking to myself...why the way that I am...being that I am the exact desc<x>ription you wrote...It does not matter who it is, boyfriend, family, friends...I just can not be too close to be them...like I feel like I am going to suffocate and so I keep my distance from everyone and well and of course I am single ...haven;t met someone who wanted to just be there but not always there....and friends uhh! the hardest one...I feel like I always meet the wrong ones who are just there to use me or 99% of the time....In no way do I relate to them and they are wasting my time....so the way I see it; its a phase...I like to think so at least....and someday you will change provided your environment will change as well I think :/

you and me both honey ,,, though in my opinion if u wanna stay happy and not worry u have to tell urself thats the way it is in this world and choose just the few ,

Good for you!!! Stay cynical and stay safe. Theres nothing wrong with being aware and more so, self aware. Somtimes you'll have to be remorseless to operate this way, but you'll be happier in the long run, and your happiness should be your closet guarded asset. I would easily kill to protect mine. <br />
Annuit Coecptus e Novus Ordo Mundi. <br />
<br />
Dixi

:)

are you a famous person ? or look like you have money ? or maybe ur someone who look easy to take advantage of ?

I respect and sympathize. I used to be extremely trusting and open, but people took advantage of that. I ended up feeling embarrassed and angry, and from then on have dodged anything past shallow conversation. It's hard to trust people once you've been burned. So, I don't really blame you at all. If you're at peace with the way you are, then more power to you-- you're less likely to be getting hurt any time soon. If the situation does bother you, I hope you find your peace. Good luck, friend.

i feel the same way

TimeBandits arriving within the middle.of somewhere nowhere close to here, readying themselves to steal.the bounty of your booty or a kings ransom, all the same.. Welcome To ThebGame Show menyour and Inwillntell bout mine turn your head and cough they dare.. As I clasp my hands over my eyez wide shut only I I am peeking while theyre tweaking about and just lay my head back and laugh as paradise lost is once again found...Then I am glad to have the imnotsological visit as they bounty of my flesh is rushed while half my personals affect march iut the door I still adore the tweekaboo gameshow delights.. After all I finished!

hm...... I´am happy to hear that you stand out for yourself. But you need to gain for self control and stop being so paranoid! <br />
Not all people, wants to hurt and break your trust in half. <br />
For myself I can speak for! <br />
<br />
Just be critical and choose your friends, wisely and trust in your decision! <br />
Thank you for sharing the story. <br />
I can always relate to the story and everything, which was mentioned! <br />
<br />
Take care and have an amazing day! And have a wonderful New Years Eve. <br />
- Marin.

My friend I too share the same situation. I've learned to ask myself this question, "Do these acquaintances, friends, etc. benefit me at all?" It's true, you have the power to say "No" more often. Believe me, you will feel the weight lifted off your shoulder. You have to teach people how to treat you. Do it!

I can relate as well. Polite and respectable in society, not at all like I am when I get home and "relax"

Wow did i write this and get amnesia you sound just like me.<br />
And because we share the same lack of illusions that "you sound just like me" phrase will have put you on edge. <br />
<br />
But people always want something even those who give to charity normally want to feel better about themselves.<br />
nevertheless there is one time no-one wants anything from you and thats when they truly respect you those people if you can find them are the best friends/partners you could find.

I can totally relate, usually people don't stick around unless there is something in it for them.. sad but true. Its the world we live in now I guess. I am currently making some changes in my own life. Slowly but surely I'm only allowing good honest people into my life from now on, and that trust must be earned, I've been jaded too much in the past by people I honestly loved.

Reading your story was like reading a story written by me. You are obviously an introverted person like me. Apparentley 25% of humans are introverts so there is nothing wrong with us. I always thought I was just weird until about 8 yrs ago I learnt of the word introvert. Here is something interesting I read a while back, 'as far as the human population is concerned introverts are in the minority but as far as the talented population are concerned introverts are in the majority.' That gave me quite a smile.:-)

THIS IS ME. This is exactly what i have been trying to say. Thank you! I don't trust people because i was hurt before... Now, i can't seem to trust anyone but there are a few people I do trust. I try and let myself trust people, but it just doesn't work.

Makes me wonder about the friends I make now..ahh too insecure >.<

I agree with you. My initial reaction is that I don't like people. They are all gossipers at the very least. I can count those I trust on one hand. And that takes into account those I seldom trust. People love to gossip, speculate and are just generally down right petty. Now, there are exceptions obviously but I have not met many of them generally to feel good, they must bring you down.

Wow. Sounds kinda like me too. I get lonely being alone at home, like to go out and be around others, but my husband is my only remaining friend thanks to all the backstabbers I used to attract. Trust is earned, and if someone wants to be in my life, I find myself suspicious of them at first (yes, even with my husband). Like you said, too many people just want something besides your company, and I don't like to waste my time weeding through the bullshit to see someone's true intentions. Be up front or **** off.

I hate to admit it, but I know exactly where you are coming from. i know exactly what is going through your head when you meet that new person. I trust no one but myself to do right by me. I trust no one but myself to be honest. I know that makes me cold, and occasionally heartless to others but I am a great person, I know that when I let people in - I'm the most loyal friend they could have even if I prefer socializing to a minimum because I'm not a very social person on certain days.<br />
<br />
My point here is, it's not all that unnatural. My current girlfriend sees me as untrusting to her because I don't trust the motives of others around her. I second guess those motives and more than 90% of the time I am right. I see the negative in people, and because I accept the negative, I understand what they want. Currently she has befriended an old co-worker, who from the start I said he just likes her as more than a friend, she was insulted that I think people only want one thing from her, but as time carried on, their "going out for coffee" became going out for dinner, he dresses up in fancy clothes to take her out, and he's tricked he rinto thinking that he's going to get a tattoo she drew up for him, when really the tattoow as just his "bait" to get her to hang out with him. <br />
<br />
I'm just waiting for her to see it for herself, because when I mention it, she doesn't believe me, but because I'm unfortunately intuned to people's alternative motives, I know better.<br />
<br />
Hope this ramble made sense.

I'll bet you weren't looking for advice ' you were just wanting to make a statement

i feel pretty much the same. i find a lot of people boring and shut them out right off the bat. i'm quiet so it can be hard to relate to people if they want to talk about trivial crap like sports or other people. i've known only a handful of genuine people throughout my life. i dunno, i guess i'd rather keep my mouth shut than relate to morons.

Wow! It is like you are me!

we sound very much alike

Its funny i feel that way as well but the only one who noes this is me

Well for starters you may want to start telling yourself that you are a very likable person & stop asking yourself when someone approaches you, what do they want from me & how are they going to get it. You think those kind of thoughts, you will attract users, parasites, leaches, vampires, etc ( in other words those who come around only to use you). Secondly, have you explored the possibility that the people who you feel want to add you to their "collection of freaks" actually do like you & that there is something good about you that draws them to you. Try to have a positive attitude and I don't know if you'd want to try this but I have, it is a 28 day project that involves making a list of 4 positive things about yourself everyday & standing in front of the mirror to recite them. I've tried that & I'll tell you I feel much better about myself. Once you see yourself in a positive light you will feel differently about how others perceive you.

I feel the same way...<br />
<br />
But in my case.... I hate my classmates they treat me like a maid.

If you were like me, you were probably taught to be nice, polite, tactful, etc. This was how girls were taught (you know - sugar & spice). I'm all for having good manners at any age. And everyone knew, if I had it ($) and you needed it, I'd give it to you. I resented it too. Because I knew they didn't give a **** about me. I wasn't supposed to be selfish! Well, shortly after my daughter was born (I was in my 30s), I called a halt to the whole thing. As far as I was concerned, my child came first. Now I became the b****. I was selfish, I was rude, etc. My child's father came to my house and demanded I give him the money he had to pay for child support! I kicked him out of my house. I had been tactful, till I figured out they were just ignoring me. I got tired of being used and hurt by people who only cared about themselves. Today, I only have 3 friends. They are good friends, who like me for myself, not for what they can get from me. I now lead a much more pleasant life and was able to buy a home of my own. something I wouldn't have been able to do if things had continued the way they were.

Not everyone is like that... but sometimes it's really hard to know. Often times people who aren't selfish have encountered one too many who either take advantage or are too cynical and they let it change them. It goes both ways. It takes a really determined person to stay decent even after they have gotten screwed a lot.

They can't get it from you unless YOU give it to them. Learn to say NO.

You need to sort out the 3S's and you'll be okay: Significance, Self worth and Security.<br />
Once you these out you will be able to relate to people the way you want to.<br />
The 3S's can not be found in people or things.

I can relate to a lot in your message. It is always a tip-toe'ing between being nice (being fake most times) and just speaking your mind with no filter and ending up being a total ahole (in other peoples eyes). I'd love for some more "normal" times, but I guess we will just have to fight our way onward until we find people with whom we can be who we truly are , enough with the tiptoe'ing already !

Truth is we all are interdependent on each other, but people feel they have the right of entitlement. My neighbor recently, without asking me, cut excess branches from hios trees and piles them in one of the park spots in MY drive way. He didn't ask me if that would be OK. Should I get angry? He is really a nice guy, just feels entitled.

Learn to protect yourself. I used to think that the world is full of nice people but i was so wrong. Most people are not nice. Some are downright evil and they seek out nice people to prey on. Learn to see people for who they are, and surround yourself with worthy beings that exhibit exemplary character. Lastly, do not lend money to others because whether you lend or not, the friendship is 99% over once money is involved. Dont be guarantor too. Instead ask them to lend from bank instead. If banks dont lend them, most likely is a big RED sign that the person WILL NOT be able to repay, so why take the risk onto yourself?

You seem to be a really nice person..<br />
But yes, it's not enough of an excuse for others to treat you that way. =/<br />
You certainly do NOT need those crappy people. =)

People are just selfish.

I feel the same way. I'm a nice person, but don't trust too easily. I've been used before so it's harder now to be super social.

1st time to read this ..now i get it

I understand where your coming from. I have the same issues. And I normally have nothing to give people so I put my guard up even more. Then I find the just cause me trouble and then I have to clean up the mess they made. I don't understand why people have to go out of their way to gain/use someone rather then doing it themselves. It's sickening just watching people do that. I enjoy the company of the few friends I have, because I can just sit and talk and not have to gain or give anything but my time and enjoyment of each others company.

The ability to do this and make it conceivable is actually quite difficult for most people. :) I do the same thing, and find you can easily read people. Like right away you know who they are and what they want in you. Your judgement isn't so high, as its more observing. Great job of explaining it.

Youre chanelling me, you must be, cos I dont remember writing this

HI Timebender<br />
Just a thought: if you give something to someone freely then it is no longer your property so there is no need to repay you. If they freely give it back later then fine too. Just saying best to avoid bitterness. If you do not want to give something away like that then, by all means, don't! <br />
Best wishes<br />
:)

HI Timebender<br />
Just a thought: if you give something to someone freely then it is no longer your property so there is no need to repay you. If they freely give it back later then fine too. Just saying best to avoid bitterness. If you do not want to give something away like that then, by all means, don't! <br />
Best wishes<br />
:)

Sometimes things arent so simple. When they are out to make use of you, they can plead and beg, come out with creative ways to get you to help them, attack the softer side of you in order to exploit you. And when you do give freely thinking that you are "helping" them, and find out later that you are taken for a ride and a fool, then the issue is not with giving but being taken for a fool.

In my experience most people are only out for themdelves its hard to find trust in this world i quit tryn long ago

i like it

well i am from the east.i dont know what its like in US.i usually ignore public gathering and i am learning to be my friend.u see u dont need anyone u yourself are complete person.just try to be ur own friend.remember thoughts can change anything

When you have been hurt in the past its normal to react that way. Why don't you treat people the way they truth you. If someone is nice to you, be nice. If someone is bad, make friends with someone esle. Don't let other people's point of view about people in your life stop you from being friends with them, because if those people treat you right, treat them the same way.

It is better to have a few good true friends, than a large number of friends. After all, a real friend is hard to come by. Someone who doesn't view you as target of uses. A real friend would think nothing of giving you the equal amount of time, and respect that you give them. There are too many takers out there just waiting for their next target to lock onto. So before you make your next friend, step cautiously, don't divulge to much information too soon. Someone who truly wants to get to know you will hang around, if that is their real intent.

Most folks are good and decent law abiding citizens whether it be by way of mans of of the divine.<br />
<br />
just always use discernment when concerning the spirits that these flesh bodys house..I'm willing to say good intentions are stronger than those that are of ill will.

Like the old saying goes, "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you."

same here... I agree to every last word.

I tend to stick to people I know don't repeat my confidences and seem to like being with me. The circle has gotten smaller as I've gotten older because it does seem that people just want to use what you can do for them or get for them. That seems mean and jaded but I realize that I must be an easy mark because I have done so many things for people especially on a tight schedule or around the holidays and then I don't leave myself any time for myself and things I need to get done!

I know what you mean.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, there are very few people in this world who are nice to everyone simply for the sake of being nice. I guess being nice is something that requires effort for many people, and most people would rather not spend that effort on everyone they meet. So they pick and choose the people they are genuinely nice too. <br />
<br />
For example, many people only choose to be nice to people who can give them something in return like money, sex or a good time.Going to the trouble of being nice to someone whom you have no interest in knowing or who can't give you anything seems like a waste of time and energy to these people.<br />
<br />
Personally, I have found this type of behavior so reprehensible in people, that I now go out of my way to be nice to total strangers from whom I expect to receive absolutely nothing. To me, this seems like the most genuine form of niceness, and it makes me feel good to do it.

My answer in below this poem-<br />
*My good right hand* <br />
i fell into the grief,and began to complian.<br />
I looked 4 a fred,but i sought him in vain;<br />
companions were shy and acquaintance were cold;<br />
they gave me good counsel,but dreaded their gold.<br />
Let them go,'i exclaimed:'i'have a fred 8 my site<br />
To lift me,and aid me,whatever betide.<br />
To trust to the world is to build on the sand:<br />
I'll trust but in heaven and my good right hand.<br />
RAVINDRA

Hi there,<br />
<br />
I long ago realised that most human beings put themselves first. Even the closest friends - when push comes to shove, they will look after number 1.....I have seen it time and time again. Even family do it. Friends will call you "babe" and be all over you but when their ego is at stake - forget it!! They will stab you in the back. Even the nicest people do it. Very sad but that's the human race for you!!

KRISSIE, YES EVEN FAMMILY WILL! THAT IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I STAY AWAY FROM FAMILY ........... I LEARNED EARLY ON THEY WERE OF THE THINKING..... WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME !!!

Oh, wait I read this as poetry I'm sorry. You're just living life. Frustrations come and go but they give you an itch to get up and dance!

I can totally relate to this story. i have no friends and I hardly trust anyone or let them close to me. I have a lot of acquaintances and I'm very popular. Everybody knows me. I'm too nice but I get no respect and it hurts me. Being a highly sensitive person makes it worse.

i can so relate ,it is sad how people are these days ,they dont know what real friendship ,or the value of it means.well stand up for yourself don't allow noone to take advantage of you ,mo mom used to say this all the time 'GOD. don't like ugly!' and quess what i believe in karma ,what goes around comes around. and don't change who you are on account of some bad people because you will be unhappy.

i can so relate ,it is sad how people are these days ,they dont know what real friendship ,or the value of it means.well stand up for yourself don't allow noone to take advantage of you ,mo mom used to say this all the time 'GOD. don't like ugly!' and quess what i believe in karma ,what goes around comes around. and don't change who you are on account of some bad people because you will be unhappy.

I don't think our thoughts on this matter could be more similar.

What makes you think your person would make another person "more" interesting? If you wanted to know them perhaps there are a number of reasons others do as well.

yeah, the sad truth is that most humans are swamps of contradictions, prone to shifting moods, and mental illnesses, and we're all selfish as hell, it's in our nature, and it's not always an entirely bad thing, cause let's face it, i can't count on anyone else to look out for my well-being as effectively as i do my own - unless i'm full of self-loathing - i mean even in the bible where it instructs people to live altruistically it says 'do undo others as you would have them do unto you' and 'love your neighbor as you love yourself,' in both cases implying that your wants and needs are the plumb line for how you should treat others, not the reverse - and see, where i've gotten into trouble is thinking that others should or could or would have my interests at heart, as that is rarely the case, i need to watch out for myself, and not expect others to do that - what's more, mental health experts estimate that close to four percent of the world's population are out-and-out sociopaths, devoid of conscience, just moving thru the world like a shark, devouring others at will - in the end, i maintain it's a good idea to play your cards close, and don't give your heart and head only to the special ones - cheers

I totally get you.. Sometimes its better to have few people around.. Friends who knows you inside out, few people that you know you can trust and doesn't want anything from you except from being your friend...

thats life...we have to take chances with people..........i give a chance to everyone but i am allert and when i see a behaviour /actions that i dont like on maybe 3 occasions i start considering cutting that person out of my life..........it can be a bit sad as at times i enjoy someones company a lot but i know that they are not good and they want to use me.............so i cut them out..............or cool it right down to minimum.<br />
it makes me sad that some people cant be good, straight caring and honest..but thats life.......very few people are of good character...........but i believe that some people are worth it.....we just have to find them and that unfortunately means going through the rubish as well:(

Totally agree. Ithink of myself asone of the good uns, but have I ever met my share( and then some) of the bad uns!!

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I am in the same situation but slightly different. I have a big heart and it's always getting hurt, doesn't matter if it's friends, family or simply someone I know. Ie middle of a divorcce right now and am stressed. I'm emotionally physically and monitarily drain. I am lost at which way I should turn. I am with a good guy who doesn't seem to appreciate me and I feel more left out and alone now but I don't want to lose him but at the same time am ready to tell him this is the wrong time. I can't find anyone tolisten that doesn't get annoyed by my story. AAAAh I need someone to talk to.

I'm soooooo in the same situation! I was happy though when i left my husband to move into my own place...was working 2 jobs to support my kids...had a wonderful boy friend who was coming off another bad relationship...well let me tell ya...I hurt my shoulder in march..so i can't work...comp is fighting it so absolutely no $$ coming in..lost the house.all my things are in storage,..the kids went back to dads..im living with my 47 yr old bf who still lives with his mom and WON'T LEAVE...now his ex just moved back into town and he's been talking to her! UUUUUUUGH!!! talk about feeling lost!? I didn't deserve this.I feel there is no place for me anywhere....

Sounds like it all started downhill when you left your husband doesn't it?

MRS MAYBE U CAN MOVE IN WITH UR HUSBAND AGAIN ?

Sorry to say but the boyfriend sounds like a loser and he is too old to be playing games and living with his momma.

the economy is SO bad right now,families live together on and off their whole lives when they need to,and have family members who are there for them when the chips fall. yes hes 47 but either him supporting his mom or his mom supporting him is only looked down upon ignorant society-no offense, but yes the situation is not what it couldve or shouldve been,but it is what it is and needs to be accepted ,youre lucky to have a ropf over your head and people that care about you(no mattter how annoying or lack of privacy you have) . ive learned to count my blessings,instead of wondering about what i couldve or shouldve done.

As a woman , The wisdom is much more important than a smart brain. I am sorry about you have not a good vision, only see a short distance. just like " a frog sitting in well seeing a world outside which is the mouth of a well." , so do you prefer to be a tough woman or happy woman, the difference point was , a tough woman can be independent, cause she was not happy, but a happy woman live a happy life without being tough.

HUGS!!

my thoughts are... i like being a happy woman who is tuff ......being just happy is not enough to get buy ....

very nice.

6 More Responses

I relate to your story :) good for you for standing up for yourself

Me too.

Been there, done that as well. People are not the same as when I grew up...they are abrasive, irritating and out for themselves alone...and ready to make someone else bear the expense and the heartache while they have their fun.<br />
I am unemployed. living with crappy room mates, and running through the last of my retirement savings and *still* people come to me to beg for money and get pissed when I say no...if I need anything they run as fast and as far as they can to avoid being required to lift a finger.<br />
My heart goes out to others in the same position, but I have nothing left to help with besides a few encouraging words.<br />
In Latin : Bastardii non Carborundum....In English : Don't let the bastards wear you down.....

I feel exactly the same and it's frustrating

yea well if you sorround yoursielf with snakes your gonna get bit ? discorse there putting blame on you for thier f--ups and controling a convo for as well in thier best intrest the dollar ??? its not on you ,but i dont have enough didgets too count on friends im a firm beliver in friendship an S a type of on B-S as well as tell me straight and it seems may-be your getting a bit deep in some eleses bullchit and if you can tell and fell its bull chit it is just say no and if getting punked just blow this idiot off if you dont help them so w/ its not your problem !! say GO --F SOME ONE ELESE ya dont want there drama any-more and if its drug rel. pay the man and go as if its a sig just tell em be gone you can look for other people to hang out with !!!! youre a target and these peps know each other as you dont know the last one that is crashed at your house ??? I KNOW they travel in heards throw em out and get on with YOUR LIFE PLEZZZ dont need any loosers here and your not loosing your asking thats good and good luck

Maybe you are too nice :). Being nice is one thing, but getting respect is another. I also have few freinds I trust and even then I sometimes discover they are not all trustworthy. I think it is okay to have a few good friends, than too have a large number of aquintances.