I Too Say That I Am Not What They Think I Am

Based only on my colour and my age, people have accusd me of being a bad person and a pervert.  But I have never done any harm to anyone, always trying to be true to my own nature.  I have never once betrayed myself.

Here is what I have to say about myself.  How can anyone, after reading it think that I am a bad person and a pervert?   It is true that I say that I like to talk about sex, but sex is a natural phenomenon, a little food and water to our bodies.  but rape, violence and saidsm are not; and I abhor those.


Why not give me a chance to be a friend?


I am looking for pen pals with anyone, anyone that is, who believe in true friendship and who respect others for who they are and what they are, without prejudice and with people who are not judgemental.


  I live in England, but I was born in Mauritius.  I am a 50 year old man, and married.  My only quest for writing to pen pals, is to try and find a profound and transcendent meaning to friendship, which, I believe, is sorely and sadly lacking in our world today.


What is Friendship?


I am neither a psychologist nor an intellectual, therefore I find it impossible to define friendship and put into words my understanding of it.


But what I do know, is that I will laugh with you when you are well and happy and I will cry together with you when you are sad and I will light a candle for you when you are ill or beset by seemingly impossible problems.


Friendship is based on understanding and trust; without these qualities, there cannot be true friendship.


I believe that true friendship is sorely and sadly lacking in our world today:  There too many crimes; too much hate, prejudice, envy and jealousy.


I don’t think we can change the world where Politicians and even the Church have failed to find any solution, but we can try and do our bit – create our own world, our own better world, the perfect world.


I Love classical music, operas and waltzes, which I just love to conduct.


I also like to talk about sex.  But please do not be alarmed, as I am not a pervert and I don’t do any harm to anyone.  I only wish to write letters.  I believe that sex is a natural phenomenon, a little like food and water to our bodies.  But rape, violence and sadism are not natural and I abhor those.


Would you care to be my pen pal, please?


If so, please be nice and write to me on my email address, which is: france.chorley@gmail.com


Of course, you don’t have to, if you don’t wish it.  I am not being negative here, only trying to be realistic – we cannot like everyone in this world and not everyone can like us.  It is a fact of our lives, and we just have to accept it, allowing people to get on with their own lives, without interfering with them, and respecting them for who they are and for what they are, without hate and without prejudice.


Thanking you beforehand, with my deepest respect.


France Chorley

My Email address is: france.chorley@gmail.com

Gabrielfc Gabrielfc
66-70, M
22 Responses Mar 27, 2007

I think it's all about discretion and first impressions. Although sex is a normal and natural thing, not many people will like to discuss it with strangers or people who they do not know well. Sex is a private thing for most people, so they do not normally discuss it in private. If they do catch people talking about sex in public, they might deem them as too liberal for their tastes or perverts. Also, it's not a good topic to bring up in public where there are children around. Therefore, talking about it in public will leave people with a bad impression of you and as we all know, first impressions are hard to change. It will be good to keep sex talks in private and observe more civilities in public.

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Not all things can be seen from the outside. We have an extreme experience. Me too they describe me differently. They can never say one single negative about me coz of my personality. i'm smart, kind, very pleasant and attractive..but the fact is..i'm totally different. I'm so hot.., i had past affairs and now i have another to a married man...Anyway, the way they judge you don't take it seriously, you're a good guy and that matters most..

Wow, beautiful comment dragontopia. Many other great comments here too. <br />
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Neat affirmation I heard today - I release all the things in my life that no longer serve me from all levels, all dimensions, known and unknown. I wear the silver violet flame of angels with grace and ease. Our aura or mien (posture and presence) do have a lot to do with how people see us. It is so sad that many people use looks as a priority instead of feeling spirit and aura and looking deeper at the spirit inside a person. They would be blessed if they did.

Strangely enough , or maybe not so strangely, I placed an ad/profile on a service seeking friends. The first ad did not give my physical description as I felt it was unnecessary nor did I add that I am a partial amputee and legally blind. My life has been full of strife and trauma and abuse but now at age 46 I have faced my 'demons' and I feel that I have healed a great deal from those traumas. I met quite a few people from that ad online but many of them, after asking me questions about my life, could not or would not accept my honest answers. They said that my life was just too bizarre and I must either be on drugs or an alcoholic and making things up. <br />
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A lot of assumptions were made by these people. I re-posted the ad giving it more clarity of purpose and mentioning this time that I am a partial amputee and legally blind. I haven't gotten one response from this re-posted ad. <br />
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I think the lesson I learned from this is that friends will come into our lives when we are both ready for them and they are ready for us. Until then, it's a matter of wading through the garbage. There's a great deal of it out there. Of the thirteen people that responded initially to me, four have stayed the course and we are getting to know one another. It is very satisfying actually though the others did bruise my feelings a bit. I wasn't so much hurt as disappointed that the judgmental and shallow people who said they wanted a friend, and found me, someone willing to develop a friendship, were so shallow. One of them is a psychiatrist no less and still in practice. I guess I was amazed that even a man like that who knows better, would make those kinds of judgments. <br />
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I am not going to give up either. Friends for me are rare and precious jewels, treasure and when I find them, I do my best to keep them. It's not much different than going shopping at a junk store. Once in a great while, you find a treasure lost amidst the junk and it makes your day to have found it.

Here is the answer to all of your problems.<br />
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BTW a friend is anyone you have a bond with, good or bad, makes no difference.<br />
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Reading your post I sense that you are the victim type. You believe that everyone is against you and the world is weighing you down. If you believe this, you will act different and when you do that people will sense the fear and despair and they will walk all over you.<br />
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Here is the solution...<br />
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Regardless of what happened to you in the past, you have to STOP thinking poorly of yourself. Realize that the world does have a lot of hurt and pain. Realize that everyone is a victim at times. BUT don't let this weigh you down, do not let the pain caused by one event cause or amplify the pain in another. <br />
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Don't expect people to compliment you, don't seek anyone's approval. If you are mediocre at something realize that you don't deserve a compliment and if you are good at something you won't get one because people will be too jealous to admit you are better then them.<br />
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And the most important thing...<br />
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Somebody mentioned that people fear what they don't understand. They were partially correct... They implied that you deal with this by making yourself understood at all cost. That last part is completely wrong. <br />
People fear the unknown and fear demands respect. The unknown also fascinates people, they will immediately try to learn more about you. <br />
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While you are unknown to them they will respect you. This judgment may change shortly though. The first thing they will do to learn about you is to look at your body language. If you look like a looser, no confidence, the desperation to be understood, etc.. They will categorize you as such and cast you aside. <br />
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Be mysterious and don't conform to anyone elses standards and beliefs. Once they see that you are confident, they will engage you in a conversations where they get more information about you. Do not allow yourself to be pushed over. Stand up for what you believe in and if something they say insults you, insult them `back more severally. Do you remember that bully in school who pushed you around and yet you still respected and wished he was your friend? This is because people are naturally attracted to those who are stronger than them. The weak ones are ignored and ridiculed .

gotta agree with d00d of this as your need to say you are not a pervert leads me to wonder if A) someone has labelled you as one and B) why they did so. <br />
Maybe you just hanging out with the wrong crowd and you need to get with people who think the same as you so you don't come across as a pervert.<br />

i want to be your friend France Chorley, if you feel lonely just leave me a message okey i will reply as sooon as i can

I can't say the same thing. But people don't know who I am really either so I know how that is honestly. Plus to say I am rejected by just friends is a tiny bit of an understatement I think. My adoptive family does as well. <br />
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My email is kthimm1@gmail.com and my name is Krista by the way. feel free to email me. Yes I am quite young but lately I have been through much.

We are all vicitms of an age where you are either in or not. Socirty dictates what we think about people. An example of this, I live on a quiet street, one of my neighbours is an elderley man who lost hi swife of 40 years a few months ago. He is in the early stages of Alzeimers and sometimes he is prone to slurring and not being able to carry himself over very well. There are some kids in the neighbourhood who actually had the gall to spraypaint the words "PAEDO" on his front door. My point being that we are all conditioned by what others say and do at some point. As beings of light and love we should thoeritically not judge books by their covers, but we do.

Type your comment here...Are you sure that people accuse you of being a bad person, pervert etc. Maybe its just your bad life experience that wants you to see negativity everywhere. We are often the prisoners of our black memories and we perceive everything through the window of our past. The past is gone and never come back, you are in the present now so try to enjoy it as much as you can, try to take a distance to yourself to your own thoughts and believes about the world and people. I know that it is a lot of cruelty and stupidity in this world but not all people are bad and judgmental. it is also some light at the end of the channel so try to concentrate on this light as much as you can. I know that it is very difficult as I have trust issues and I am scared to get close to the others because of my previous experience but what I have just said is true so I am trying to change my attitude a bit – it helps.

You can talk to me here you dont need my email, read my story I had a bad boyfriend. If you dont judge me I wont judge you.

I think it depends on the type of language u use; in an extreme example using the word "c***" could get u a bad name. also it depends on the environment as well, generally talking about sex at work or around women could be risky.

Hey friend, I have alot of people in society that have literally punched me in the head. Alot of folks even in grade school thought I was a raging homosexual even though I was not. You see... heres the problem in my case. I was raped and tortured by family members until I was 10 years old. When that happens ...even though you don't realize it...it shows in your face, your eyes, your posture. I think the bullies that drove me away from school were really latent homosexuals trying to commit suicide by killing me. I met a beautiful woman one night and fell in love. My wife and I have been together for 32 years. We have suffered each other in so many ways. Anyway, talking about sex can be somewhat therapeutic. I wish Ward had said Hey Beaver ...did you get raped today? I had been raped for 10 years and didn;t even know what rape was until the 8th or 9th grade. The brain of trauma victims forget. The reason my brain forgot is _______. GUILT. I have no desire to engage in petty flirtations. I want to stand on the hearth of Hell and fill it with my tormentors. Ward...I think the beave wandered in his thoughts again. LOL , I like to talk to people about Love, good reports. Maybe its because your brain is repressing guilt. It may be that when you were a child thet good old Uncle ***** came by and offered to babysit while mom went to the store for some biscuit and mustard. It only takes 30 seconds to make a zombie. Maybe you look like a pervert because you were perverted said the voice of experience. any thoughts?

You can have penpals even here, openly that way there is no "I wonder what this chap is reallllllllllly about" - know what I mean?<br />
All the best to you France.

I dont' have enough information to even form an opinion about whether you're perverted or not. I do wonder what you are reacting to in such a strong way, but without that info I really can't judge (and judging is not my way anyway).

your need to include the 'I'm not a pervert" is a little on the weird side. I'm all for weird but why even feel the need to defend your 'innocence.'

People fear what they do not know ,and its sad to feel judged on color or age and it be nice to think that by now people in this world would not steriotype or pass judgment over people who are diffrent because there is no 2 people in the world that are exzacully the same to begun with ,but the sad truth is everyone in the world is judged and everyone at some point in time have felt like they have been pointed out some kinda weard-o it be nice to live in a imagenary world were everyone joins hands and comes together for peace and harmony like we all pray but it wont ever happen so in the mean time best to ignor bad critasisum because you know yourself who you are inside and what others think dosnt matter as long as you have a positive outlook on yourself because in the end all that matters is ONE mans judgment and he will only judge you on what you think of yourself ....

would the comment be a case in point - maybe the avatar is your view of you...

hey France u should change your avitar it makes u look like a Nazi Dictator of the not too recent past.

Thank you so much misslead for your dommentws. I thiink that many people are judgemental, jueging someone without having known them perfsonally and worse, not even wanting to get to know them and understane.<br />
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Can I ask you to read specially my posting "Gold and Silver waltz". I thiink that it shows what kinnd of a person I am.<br />
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Thank you<br />
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Kindest regards<br />
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I can honestly agree with this story... Its the same around here if you talk about something you love then people will judge you before they know you