Discouraged And Held BackMost people would think that my life is pretty swell if they don't see me that often. Maybe in their minds, I have a cool job, a cool hobby, and money to spend as I wish but that's only partially true. My freelance boss is great, and most of the time, I do like my job but I'm way underpaid for what I do. The rest of the time, I feel alone. How is it that throughout the years, I couldn't manage to find more people who like the same things I do and would love to hang out. I've gone to three concerts alone this year and there's one coming up in September but I didn't get the ticket because I don't think I'll be able to enjoy it. I'm sick of not having company for all of the things that I want to do and it has stopped me from going out. It's frustrating. I don't know why but every year, there's a time when I get so overwhelmed by the idea that I'll always be alone that I cry in the shower until I run out of tears. I always bounce back though because I have to. It would be too pitiful to admit defeat. I would ask myself, "Is this how you want to go?" and the answer's always no, so go get your **** together.
I have to stay optimistic and pretend everything is fantastic. Maybe I can fool myself into thinking that I'm happy so that it'll be easier to meet people.