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A Lot More To Me Then Meets The Eye....

We all do it, we all judge. I do think though that in terms of what people think I am like and in terms of what I actually am, there is a huge difference.
I always go around with a smile on my face. Things have to be particularly bad for me to be anything but smiley. People would describe me as happy, go lucky and always smiling. However, they don't know it is just a mask. A mask to hide real anxiety, hurt and self doubt. People don't know how lonely I feel and how I crave love in all it's forms. They don't know that I feel like a failure every day and that I wonder if I am worthy enough.

I am not who they think I am.
Jenni855 Jenni855 26-30, F 2 Responses Jul 31, 2012

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Jenni I can relate. But at the same time, it's better for me to have a mask with certain people. Sometimes I feel some people actually get off on my unhappiness so I won't give them the benefit of the doubt. But it is good to have a couple of close friends that you can let that guard down and be yourself. The truth is that there is genuinely a part of me that knows how to have a good time. And sometimes, after forcing a smile I'm able to genuinely access that fun, happy side of myself and before you know it I'm having a good time. There's a quote by Marilyn Monroe that I adore and feels describes me " She was a girl that knew how to be happy even when she was sad. And that's important". I've always lived by the motto. (hugs)

You are coming into yourself Jenni, you are beginning to understand that loving yourself is the first step to true peace and happiness. You're progressing Jenni. You're overcoming past pain and hurt.....go easy on yourself....Blessings xxxx

I hope so Hilly. Sometimes it feels like I am taking a step backwards but in other ways I feel I am moving forward. xxx