Walking Down Two Different Paths...which To Choose?

I`m always the good guy, the nice guy, the guy that helps everyone just because there`s no one around to do so. Recently I have been torn in half, I fell in love, would have given everything to be with her, and I honestly did everything for her, answered her needs, met her demands, all while being true to myself and my morals...yet it wasn`t enough, she left me for her ex-boyfriend, someone who I am a thousand percent better then...my hearts broken, tears can not stop flowing, i`m miserable and there is no cure, unless I get her back...This part of me can never completely be healed...and now the other part of me is doing things that I would never ever truly be capable of doing...I`ve been out drinking, smoking, dancing, picking up strange, yet attractive women, sex after sex, and then hardly sleeping. I`m a wreck, I can`t stop thinking about her, yet I`m causing my own turmoil, I picture her when I`m in bed with another women, I dream about her, I can`t stop just wanting to know what shes doing, or where shes at, or if shes okay...and I know I`m acting like the bad guy right now, this not who I am, but I can`t stop, it hurts too much, at even the slightest mention of her name my heart starts to pound, my memories over flow my mind, I want her back so much, I want her to be part of my future, just that cause of this present me, I don`t even think she would be able to stand what a monster I`ve become and if I`m ever asked about anything, I know I can`t lie to her, I`d come clean, and then it would hurt even more...what do I do..how do I get back on the right path?
1986Scott 1986Scott
22-25, M
Dec 3, 2012