What I Am

Does it matter how we see ourselves?
Honestly?
I wake up every morning and do the same thing, I turn off the alarm and I roll over and half an hour later, I do it again. Then Im late and I run out the door without breakfast and a defrosting piece of bread that Il eat for lunch. But, is that me? I wasn't always like that. So, the question Im wondering, is-Do people change? Have I changed? Or do I change depending on the situation/people/atmosphere. I know that as humans we change for no reason, depending on someones mood or work or college or parties. We change our look, style, believes. How far is too far? And why are we doing it? Should I wear something Im not comfortable in to work, just because it looks normal? What the hell is normal anyway? I know that this is an old rant but its something I have always made an excuse for. And I always thought it was okay to make an excuse for it, but is it? Should I get a job over someone who is qualified the same as me, just because I turn up in smart clothes and they are wearing sneakers? Should I change who I am because of the people in the office. Watch their silly tv shows just so i can talk to them on my break? Should I pretend to not read as much, or know as much about politics as I actually do, because of the people I hang out with who dont? Does it make my life easier?Yes and No. I know that its easier to give in. Iv been giving in my entire life. But does standing up not take as much effort? In the long run, which helps me more? Do I even care?! Im tired of seeing how much people can influence each other. Im tired letting it influence me. I dont think I even realised it was influencing me so much. Is there anything that I can even do now to stop it? Do I care enough?
I see who I am when Im late and running out that door. I see who I am when Im dancing in my kitchen. I understand myself, my religion, my heart when Im on my own. How do I share that with someone if Im always trying to be who they want me to be? If Im always trying to fit in? If Im always trying to be someone thats not me? Will I lose myself and become this "not me" person? I think I already am.
yellowbootsgirl yellowbootsgirl
22-25, F
Dec 5, 2012