The TruthPotential employers always seem to see me as a confident, smart woman who can deal with responsibilities. They see a woman with two degrees who is articulate and smiles and has a firm handshake, and is keen to work.
My family think I am so brave to take on any job that is offered to me even though it neither matches my training, talents, abilities or tastes. They think this is because of some moral code, that I cannot stand the idea of living on benefit.
The truth: Yeah, I have degrees and ****, but I have no real confidence. It's all bluff. I fake confidence during interviews because I am scared of not getting the job, because I am terrified of being without a job. Responsibilities and initiatives scare the **** out of me. I feel caught in the headlights and I wait for employers to find out I am useless and get rid of me.
I am not brave. I take the jobs and I go to work because I feel I have no choice. The idea of being unemployed terrifies and depresses me.
DancingFox 31-35, F 19 Responses 7 Dec 13, 2012