My Life Story. Part 5 ( The Last Chapter Of The Old Me)Well a lot has been going on, but not anymore, I'm going to change. I'm going to stop self-harming and do what's best for me and my little brother from now on. Nobody else, just me and him.
This is what I keep telling myself, yes it's hard.. harder than I thought it would be but I've been clean for week and 2days now, big achievement for me considering I did it more than twice a day, everyday for over 5 years. And after my teacher, social worker, the Pc Evans and my best friend telling me it's about me and nobody else I think I'm finally starting to believe it. *Woop*
But again, I lost someone.. I lost Pc Evans.. someone I thought I wouldn't lose, apparently I'm not allowed to talk to her because she took the first notes and she wasn't now allowed to intervene, even though I wasn't talking to her about my abuse.. it all started last Friday night, I had had enough of mum and the way I was being treated at home.. the way I got neglected so I told Karena.. she gave me the chance to move away from home.. forever. I liked the sound of it, infact I loved the sound of it! I was so happy I had someone who could help. That same day she made phone calls and called Kim's parents who let me stay at their house until the following Monday. Everything was great, I could relax, I wasn't made to do all the house work (obviously I helped like) I didn't get called names, I didn't get neglected. I was care for. Kim's mum even made me a bracelet that said "I can do it for prom" to help me to stop self-harming!
That Monday morning as me and Kim were walking into school Miss J was waiting for me at the office, she took me into a little room and asked me what happened, I could tell she was worried. Her voice was shaking and she was breathing shakily. I told her, she told me that Pc Evans had rang her, panicking, and that social services would be coming to see me today. Now that freaked me out big time.. I didn't want things to go this far..i just wanted to get away for a couple of days.. what had I done.
Miss J came and got me during my lesson to go meet the social workers, I saw Miss h on the way up, while Miss j and another teacher were talking Miss H gave me a big hug and told me to be brave. This was too much, I broke down in tears and fainted.
When I woke up again I was in Miss H's room, my social workers were there and so was Miss j. I was so embarrassed! I broke down again.. Dam it.
I had 2 lady's from social services with me called Tony and Emma, they seemed nice but I had to explain everything again, from the overdose to the name calling and neglect. Luckily I had some stuff with me that I had taken to Kim's so they pretty much stood me up, picked up my bag and shoved me in a car. Tony bought me a Maccy's because I hadn't eaten all day, I even couldn't eat then...
We drove for hours.. I left school at 3:15 and arrived at Crisis at 5:30, it was horrible, as soon as we got it I had deodorant and my phone taken off me. The kids where all older than me and always got into fights and arguments, I just stayed quite next to Emma. I hated it. They locked our rooms when we were in there and had to stand outside the bathrooms while I got a shower. I was glad to only have to stay there one night.. it took us 2hours and a bit to get to school the next day.
I got moved onto another children's home, Havenbrook. It was so much nicer, the kids were great! It was set out like a real home, everyone was so nice, but it wasn't home.. I missed home. I had my own room and bathroom at Havenbrook. They let me eat my meals on my own or with staff and when I felt more confident I ate with one of the girls there. I stayed at Havenbrook for 2 weeks, then I got to chose, did I want to go home or stay there. I chose home, I went for the weekend, I now have to decide if I want to stay at home now or go back to Havenbrook, I have til tomorrow to decide. At Havenbrook I got cared for and noticed, mum told me through texts she would be more supportive and care for me more, but nothing has really changed, I still have to do everything for myself. But I am choosing to stay here, I'm doing it for my brother, I don't want him to have the same childhood I did. I'm 16 now, I can chose what I want and because my parents aren't married my dad doesn't have any legal rights over me. But he does over my brother, I'm staying for my brother, even if I have to lie to the social workers and the teachers, I don't want my brother going into care, as soon as I'm 18 I'm out of here and are taking my brother with me. Even if I have to go to court and fight for him.. I will not let him go through what I have been through. I have already had a go at my mum for calling him stupid and hitting him. I will stop this but by being in care I can't help him, I'm staying for my brother, I'm not going to let him down or let him see me break. He will be 6 when I turn 18, still not old enough to be able to stand up for himself, but I'll be there with him. Even if I have to use my uni money to look after him and myself I don't care, family comes first and he is the most important thing to me.
I have decided I am going to be a social worker when I'm older so I can protect kids who have bad parents, I know how it feels for them and want to help them, no child deserves to be treated like an animal or even as if they are not there.
This is the new me, I'm working hard to achieve the best I can, i'm stopping self-harming and helping others. I learnt the hard way that it is best to speak about things rather than hiding them in hope that you will stay strong because in the en they will just mount up and make things worse, there are still going to be things that I find difficult, there are still going to be times I want to give up and cry. But i'm going to face them and stay strong.
So if anybody is going through some tough stuff please, please talk to someone, you can always IM me, I'll be happy to help and nobody is a burden! I am hear to listen and help as many people as I can, you are all beautiful and deserve to be happy, no matter what your problem is I will help.
Stay strong my lovelys! *Big hugs*