Struggling Out of the Past and the Present

when i was younger, i wasn't sure of my personality so I made myself up - i made myself into someone that i think everybody would love. And they did. They really did. In high school, i was one of the people who had the most friends in my circle. They think i'm really cool in handling situations and people. I was always president of the class and i would always lead events etc.

But i am not who they think i am...

i'm also not who i think i am.. in fact, i don't know WHO I AM

Until this ....

When i was junior,  bursts of the 'real me' (i s'pose) came out, and i did a lot of the things that i regret and up to now haunts me. What happened? people around me drifted away, even my real close-knit friends seem to drift away from me. They may not say it, but i know they're thinking that i'm not the person they used to know, and that i've become darker and hard to understand.

Now that i'm in college, i'm struggling to get out of my past - the lies, bad things i did, the people that hate me...

Iwant to start a new life and have a new set of friends that would would understand me , finally, even if i show the real me.

well it turns out... this phase wasn't any better. I may not be doing harm against anyone now, but i don't understand why they don't like me. They think i'm a loser or some sort. Maybe they think i'm weird because i constantly shift into different personalities and that makes them think that i'm not being real. A fake.

If i could just tell them that I AM NOT WHO THEY THINK I AM then i think my life would change.

Ventriloquist Ventriloquist
18-21, F
3 Responses Jun 1, 2007

Some people never figure out who they are, so it sounds like you are ahead of the curve, you sound like you know who you are bu are afraid people may judge you for it. Well no matter who you are, there will always be people who don't understand you or don't want to know you and guess what .... WHO CARES. Just hold your head high and as long as YOU like who you are, the right people WILL find you, love you for who you are and accept you as is, without trying to change you. I'd rather have 3 FANTASTIC reliable friends, than a dozen that when the s h i t hits the fan, they are no where to be found. Be proud of yourself, eventually the rest will fall into place, and don't be so D A M N hard on yourself!!

I just read your story "I'm Not Who they think I am" and was so touched that someone else feels like I do. I hope you receive help from this group because I would not want anyone to live this way into their 60's as I have. I will say a prayer for you. MimiMimi

Just be the real u in every aspect of ur life.Be proud of urself!!!Who cares about having many friends if they were just fraud it's much better to have few friends which are true someone who will accept u as u r and someone who'll understand & care for u all the time.Take care...:)