Distract Them From My Incompetence

i am very insecure in a lot of what i do, and so very shy  - i am fat- can't hide that, also got a lot of criticism for being 'unclean'- ie the dirt around my neck isn't dirt- its related to diabetes and insulin intolerance, but that sort of thing ingrains itself. ' have you washed your neck' for your entire childhood, adulthood, scrubbed with bleach for god's sake ... criticism for appearance on evaluation, esp as i don't wear makeup- you can't criticise me if its my religion! they don't complain about my lack of makeup when they are scared i may start wearing a headscarf.       people mistake the shyness for calmness, never get upsetness! when any little criticism sends me into tears (after work of course). i accentuated my flakiness, interest in islam/muslim, shalwar kameez, and explain loudly and over and over pointing out my 'filthy' neck- see its not a dirty neck, its something nigrans or nigrans something, etc. etc.  i've felt a little more secure, giving them something else to focus on, and i feel just as lost as anyone else even if others believe i am the best in that dept. or one of the strongest in this dept. so maybe the 'incompetence' is a self inflicted insecurity but i always take things so personally.

stupidityreigns stupidityreigns
41-45, F
2 Responses Aug 16, 2007

For what it's worth I'm a fat diabetic, too. Consider yourself kissed for the first time - well, cyberkissed anyway! ;)<br />
Try not to take everything so seriously [easier said than done, I know], deep down we are ALL insecure.

awww. :-( that sucks. really. *hugs*