And Neither Is Anyone Else.

(I blogged this about a month ago, but just saw this group so I'm putting it here as well.)


Now give me a little pout, baby.

I'm not pouting. 

There is an event in my life known as the "Ultraman accident".  When I was four and living in Philadelphia, I was watching Ultraman on tv and decided to fly like him - right into the corner of the coffeetable, which went right through my lower lip.  It did a little bit of damage and so I have a perpetually pouty lip and that, combined with a fair few hectares of lip in general, makes my mouth what it is.  In fact, I have a big Y scar under my lip but you can't see it because of the previously referenced pout. 

In general, I've never minded.  Romantically speaking, some men actually quite like it and, true story, my lips have been part of an electronic arts collage in a gallery in Miami and NYC. 

But I have a professional career and that, combined with a curvy figure and big eyes and, yes, being a blonde, makes some people look at me and think "stupid".  This doesn't bother me too much; I have a great deal of confidence in my intellectual faculties, and the perceptions of others can't damage my self-esteem in that regard.  But it took a while to get here because, you see, my intelligence, intuition, and sense of humor...all inter-related... these are what I value about myself the most.  I truly feel it is something that makes me different and to be treated as stupid .... well, it got to me, for a long time.

I have known my share of entirely unwarranted hostility, mostly from other professional women - and my share of patronization, mostly from men from all walks of life.  This is their problem, not mine, and those that judge others on their physical appearance - other than the first 5 seconds, which we can't help much - are truly not worth caring about.  Why would you dislike me or discount me because I look what can basically be defined as feminine?  My personality is hardly girly bombshell...I am a Trek nerd, a science freak, an occasional video game addict - love to shoot me some zombies.  I am a smartass with a dry sense of humor and sometime spelunker.  Very masculine and very feminine people get on my nerves.  I think Precious Moments figurines are nauseating.  :)

Why am I bothering to post this here?  I have read so much here, so many posts from people the vast majority of them female, saying that they're ugly or overweight, and are tired of being judged for it.  Well.  I know they're not exaggerating.  If someone will hate me for a D cup, someone will certainly hate someone for being 50 pounds overweight. 

My heart goes out to these women and girls, but you can only change the world a little at a time.  You have to find your worth from within.  You MUST.  Your self-worth and self-love will shine through, will be recognizeable by other individuals of worth; will be attractive to worthwhile individuals, and you will find the love and friendship that you crave.  If you're receiving this reaction from someone with whom you must work or relate to in some way, I've found that the best thing to do is to say "you seem to have such and such an attitude towards me.  Is this my imagination?  I'd like to talk about it."  All but the rarest individuals will deny their 'tude, and you will often find that this will break through some internal barriers - they will see you more clearly.

Because I am not what you see. 

And neither is anyone else.

DiscoveryChick DiscoveryChick
41-45, F
5 Responses Mar 19, 2009

Well thought out. You must live with yourself and you sound like a very balanced woman. Fantastic and thanks for sharing.<br />
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Men just cannot ever look you in the eye because your breasts don't have eyeballs.

"Your self-worth and self-love will shine through, will be recognizeable by other individuals of worth; will be attractive to worthwhile individuals..."<br />
<br />
wow i love it :) your so right <br />
thank u

Great story, DiscoveryChick.<br><br />
"Find your worth from within."<br />
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Just say NO to precious moments.

I saw your story elsewhere too. About Ultraman and the scar. I think it's funny as he11! Not that you got hurt etc. but that you were a magical enough kid to think you could fly! I love it. Most reasonably attractive women have gotten demeaned, or harassed or somehow put down by other women and lots of men! Been there myself plenty.<br />
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If I feel that "vibe", I will just continue as if it is not happening. I have worked in mostly "male" oriented jobs my whole life so it's been a chore sometimes and I am not A "D" just A "C", but if you keep your head up, your brain sharp and to be really honest, being attractive, has gotten me ahead in the game sometimes, so to speak. I NEVER used it on purpose but that's just how it is.<br />
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If you feel like while you are talking, men are just staring at your chest, look down and brush it and say, "OH, is there a spider on my chest or something? You keep staring at it when my eyes are up here" And since you are funny, keep them laughing, everyone loves funny people. <br />
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I cannot stand precious moments figurines either! You totally crack me up.

What a beautiful story!!! The world needs more people like you.