I Want You To Know Who I Am, Not What I Do!

All our lives we are ingrained to learn- learn information, learn to develop a skill, learn to try to top the next guy, learn so that we can DO so that we can EARN, so that we can be a SUCCESS?  A success?  You think I'll be a success if I can earn, and do, and learn?  What about the success of who I AM!?

 I'm one of those "annoying" people who are just naturally good at everything.  I've had people hate me for it, as if my talent was an intentional assault against them.  Most people think I can do it all!  I'm so crafty, creative, organized, talented, a leader, a coordinator, outgoing, smart, pretty, skilled; gee, practically a superwoman!

So what if I can sing, sew, cook, clean, homeschool, paint a house, grow a garden, play piano, and violin, and transcribe music?  So what if I can single handedly coordinate a weekend retreat with 150 people attending, process their registrations, and money, the speaker, the travel, the decorations, the door prizes... oh, and with four children, the youngest being three months old?  So what if I can stand in front of a crowd and perform, or speak, or teach, or train, or whatever!  So what if I can write, and narrate, and act, and participate in politics?  SO WHAT?!?!?!?

That's all people focus on.  And deep down inside I'm just screaming to get out.  Inside I'm scared, embarrassed, insecure, proud, offended, sad, in love, passionate, confused, arrogant, confident, loud, crazy, quiet, subdued, submitted, rebellious, ignorant, intelligent, lazy, hardworking, thinking all the time.  But people don't see that part.  They don't have time.

All they see is what I do.  I'm not who they think I am!!!!

SHWA SHWA
36-40, F
Feb 7, 2010