Ooo...look At Her!

People see me and automatically think I've got a great life, have lots of friends, have a boyfriends, all that, just cuz of how I look. Most of the time, I try to look my best. I take care of my hair and skin, I do my hair, makeup, nails, wear nice clothes (most of which are secondhand, or bought off ebay), wear jewelry (mostly fake, or also secondhand/from ebay), wear skirts and heels. Other than being short, I'm pretty happy with my appearance. Unfortunately, when it comes to who I am behind the face, I have very low self-esteem. I'm afraid to talk to people in person, and when I do, I avoid talking about myself. If I weren't pretty, I don't think many of my friends or exes would have ever met me, since they were the ones who started the conversations when we met. I'm not particularly talented at anything, except maybe writing, and almost nobody reads what I write. My roommate is the reason most of my friends and exes even talked to me in the first place. She's gorgeous, outgoing, and best of all, really nice, which is why she always brought me along when she went out with friends or to parties and stuff. She introduced me to a lot of people and got the ball rolling, which I unfortunately usually failed to keep rolling. Again, going back to the part where I'm afraid to talk to people.

 

I don't think I'm really going anywhere with writing this, so, instead, I want to do this a little differently. This probably won't get many responses, but I'll do it anyways.... Going off my pics (if you can see them) and what you know of me so far, what is your impression of me? I'll tell you what you're right about, what you're wrong about, and answer any questions if you have them. Basically, I'm bored and curious of your first impressions.

KaBe22 KaBe22
18-21, F
6 Responses Mar 16, 2010

You also like to be in control but you don't feel like you are in control.<br />
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Trust is a major issue.<br />
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That whole being an outcast thing will really do that to you. It's not at all fair.<br />
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The upside of it is that you are more epathetic because of it. You are a loyal and loving friend once you let someone in. <br />
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You are a beautifull person on the inside as well as the outside. <br />
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Don't be so rough on yourself.

@darkchild Being perceptive like that is a very important and useful skill. I'm jealous :) And you can't be right all the time, or else you wouldn't have to bother talking to people :P Class was....class. lol I learned some new stuff :)<br />
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@girlina Thanks!! Right now, I'm just waiting while time and experience do their work :)

We all want to be loved. That's what you want, and you seem like a good kid. Just live your life to the fullest and know that time and experience will change and deepen you.<br />
:)

Well, I wouldn't say transparent. :-) I'm a bit more perceptive than most and I have many similar experiences. I can sometimes just look at a person and get a bit of an idea about who they are, but it doesn't tell me everything, and I am wrong sometimes. Hope class was good! Learn lots!

darkchild, that's very good!! Maybe I'm more transparent than I thought...<br />
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The kind of person I want...I want him/her to be outgoing and talkative, but not really expect me to be, but still give me the push when I need it. But also, like you said, someone who doesn't mind just sitting quietly with their arm around me while we read or whatever.<br />
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I mostly like how I look and don't mind putting in the work to look good (but I wish it didn't take so much time!!!). And I really wish there was more to interest people than just the way I look, cuz I know I'm gonna lose it as I get older...then what?<br />
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My roommate is my best friend, has been since we got paired up when we got to school, but she's also pretty popular and is involved in a bunch of things, so she's busy a lot. But other than her (and my sister, but she's 2000 miles away), I don't really have any other best friends, people I can trust with everything. I have some close friends, but I can't tell them everything. And since my roommate's busy a lot, I mostly just turn to my notebooks and write out my feelings or problems til I can find how to deal with them. My roommate does give me that push to be social, as she tries to bring me along with her when she goes out with friends and to parties and stuff. But that kinda makes me feel like a leach, like I'm just using her.<br />
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You're right about the rejection. You know how the small-town mentality works, right? Anything they don't agree with is wrong, and the whole town has pretty much the same opinion. Well, I fell in love with my best friend in high school, and she completely rejected me, told a bunch of her friends about it, and before I knew it, I was "the lesbian," and went from being a part of the popular crowd to being a loser or outcast or whatever. Kinda killed my self-esteem and, as I was already a quiet girl, I almost totally clammed up because I really no longer had anyone to talk to.<br />
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Umm, anyways....I gotta go to class now. Thanks for responding!! :)

I think you're shy, very sweet, and really want someone just as quiet to sit with you and hold your hand. You don't need some loud party guy to make out with you in public -- you want that guy that will be happy just to sit in the same room with you and keep his arm around you while you read a book or play on a computer. <br />
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I think you want to stop working so hard on your appearance, but are afraid to, because you feel it's the only thing that gets you noticed. You want to just be comfortable with who you are, wearing the things you like and not having to stress so much about what other people think. <br />
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You want that non-judgmental best friend that's always around to take a phone call and will always let you cry on their shoulder. But you also want to be pushed into being a bit more social. <br />
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You see faults every time you look in a mirror, don't you? Or you have that tape in your head that replays stupid stuff you've done, times when you were embarrassed, and it keeps you from being able to reach out to people. You've been rejected and turned down by people you cared about. You're a little bit lonely an just really wish you could fin one or two really special people who will push their ways into your life and just STAY there. <br />
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This is what I think when I look at you.