I don't even have the guts to write this in a place where people actually know who I am. And, that is because I'm a coward.

I live in an apt. I picked out this apt. to live in with my sweet little cat and my husband who I had less than I perfect marriage with but I was determined that we'd have a perfect apt.

Well, 2 years later, we are divorced. The sweet cat is dead. My career is doing horribly. My now ex husband, who is still a friend is away with his girlfriend at his moms. I am madly in love with a guy that I met here. He loves me.

His mother likes me. He is positive his children will love me. He wants me to move to where he lives. I found and even more perfect apt. there...and numerous opportunities to revive my career which is very important to me. And, yet, I remain here as if I were paralyzed.

I spend my life preaching to others about how life is about the journey. "Feel the fear and do it anyway". Or how I want my life to be one big adventure....BULL ****! I am telling you now that it is all a crock. I am a scared little nothing of a person who would probably run from her own shadow if I wasn't afraid of where I'd wind up.

I talk the talk better than most. I don't walk at all. When I try my fear manifests itself in wonderful things like..IBS...very convenient! Migraine headaches, and just general panic...and knots in my stomach. So, if you ever see me carrying on about fighting my fears blah blah blah...just know that I'm full of it.
simplysusan01 simplysusan01
46-50, F
1 Response Aug 15, 2014

You happen to be the most real person I know. Don't let your fears control your opinion of yourself. You are a very real and genuine person. You are extraordinary. You are special. And you are loved.

Well, it shouldn't be so hard to move...physically move closer to you. All this stuff here is so overwhelming....but this stuff all goes back in the box anyway. So, maybe???
Btw, I think you are insane but thank you for loving me. I love you so much.

I am insane. I am stark raving mad! But that has nothing to do with my love for you. IN fact, my love for you may be the sanest thing about me. You inspire me to do great things. Or at least make the attempt. You fill my heart with joy and my soul with hope. You are a magnificent creature, a shining light, a beacon in the darkest night and I can't imagine my life without you in it. How I made it this far without you will remain forever a mystery. All I know for sure is that I can't move from this point forward without you by my side.