Learning To Accept Yourself?

I don't really know where to begin with this story. I've been overweight since childhood, and obese since high school. A few years ago, due to medication, poor diet, and an extremely sedentary lifestyle, I was actually in the morbidly obese weight range. 2-3 years ago, I managed to lose a substantial amount of weight fairly rapidly. Although I lost the weight healthily (healthy low-calorie diet, strict exercise regimen, and [prescribed] thyroid medication), I didn't do enough skin-toning exercise, and as a result, have a great deal of loose skin/cellulite. To use a cliche, my entire abdominal area looks like a deflated balloon, and I'm deeply ashamed of my body. I'm terrified of letting anyone see it.

To make matters worse, I'm still obese -- possibly even clinically obese (I've been too afraid to step on a scale in months, because I vowed to kill myself if my weight got back above a certain level). After that initial bout of weight loss, my metabolism stabilized, my exercise routine got derailed, and it generally became more and more difficult to lose weight. More importantly, my depression worsened, and my motivation all but vanished. During a bad depressive episode last year, I started binging and purging somewhat regularly (purging, unsurprisingly, hasn't helped my weight any, but it makes me feel psychologically better for about 5 minutes, so it became increasingly hard to resist), and I ended up gaining some weight back.

I'm now on better medication for my depression and want to start losing weight again. I'm looking for a decent therapist as well. However, I'm still battling horrible self-image issues. Looking in the mirror still makes me despise myself and makes me feel even LESS motivated/capable of losing weight.

How can you stop hating yourself, your past, and your weight?
TheOtherWindow TheOtherWindow
26-30, T
1 Response Jul 10, 2010

You are what you are - stop hating it! Just STOP!