Obession Vs Love

am i obsessing over my break up?
i just love him so much i dont want to let go.
im overreacting that i just cant let my 2 1/2 year relatonship go?
i just want him back.
i been checking his emails, facebook, and online stuff because thats the only thing i can check.
if i had access to his phone best believe i would check it too.
i never really checked his stuff before.
but i feel like he is hiding something deeper from me.
im just so confused.

he knows i was on his facebook cuz i well locked him out of it.
its not my fault that he changes his password to something obvious.
i just know him too well too know what his passwords are.
and now he changed them (of all his online accounts) to my name and some simple numbers.

is it my fault for being obessive when he makes it easy for me to snoop?
i mean if he really wanted me out of his business, he could make up some dumb password that i couldnt figure out. but instead he uses my name and some numbers?

i mean we JUST broke up so yeah i know im a bit obsessed, but i dont want to let go. i love him and i just want him to realize that he does need me right now even though he pretends not to. when he left he has been making dumb decisions. went out partying with only god knows who and got drunk and his so called "friends" left him there to find his own way home. so he drove. and got into a wreck.

if he was still with me, i would have picked him up and drove him home. held his head while he puked and tucked him into bed. i would have woke him up in the morning with coffee and alka-sielzer and some breakfast. and told him to to scoot off to work.
i care that much to not be mad that he called at 4am asking for help. i would have just been happy to get him home safe.

what if he crashed so bad and died? what if he hit another car and killed someone? what if the police got to him first and gave him a DUI and arrested him for being underage? is it my fault i care? i just want to protect him

so im obsessed, so what? i gave this guy 2 1/2 years of all my love. he is my absolute soulmate that says he wants to learn to be independent. is it my fault i just want to help and i dont want him with other girls because he told me he loved me asked me to marry him and all of a sudden he leaves me and is still hanging out with the scank he cheated on me with who has a bf already?

so im snooping but ill stop on monday because i need to focus on me.we agreed on no contact after that. or thats what i said because he is all i think about now so im so fragile and i need to start focusing on me. it was his choice. he said he knows he is going to come back to me that he is going to text me all the time even if i ignore it. i mean he left me though?

but i love him. so is it my fault love is an obession?it makes you do stupid things and when a break up occurs. sometimes your world is crashing down and you act on impulse. my impulse is snooping because im worried about him. i dont want him to end up in the downward spiral he is going to. i want to be there to help him up.

i just got off the phone with him like an hour ago, and i miss him. but it was late when i called. he was asleep but he still woke up and talked to me for an hour. i know he misses me. i can tell but i know that he needs to find himself.

he said he wants to marry me and grow old with me but its not our time right now because were so young.
so i cant help that im holding on to what i believe in. i dont want to give up and let him go that easy.

does that make sense or do i sound like a crazy ex girlfriend?
i mean the chemistry i have with his guy is amazing. if you saw it you would understand excatly why this is so hard for me.
swoodlewing swoodlewing
18-21, F
May 5, 2012