Is It Ok To Be A Recluse?

I have just joined coz I wanted a place to just say I am a recluse and not have people who know me, sympathize.

I am happy being a recluse but it seems it is not the done thing in society.  One has to be "popular", be "part of a group", have meet-ups, be outgoing, and so on.

Funny thing, I do appear outgoing and even bubbly.  I recently went out with some new people and was later told that they thought I was the extrovert and my partner was the introvert. I don't know how that happens but it just does.  When I am out there, you would never know that I really am no extrovert.  I don't have to work at it or try hard or pretend.  It just happens that I am mostly bubbly when I am out and about.  But ...

.. the truth of the matter is that, on any day, at any time, any where, I would rather stay home, be on my own, not go out, not meet new people ... does that make me "wrong" or abnormal?

I joined another forum (hobbies) and I like that just the way it is - an internet connection.  But everyone else seems so keen on meeting up in real life.  Each time they arrange a meetup, I feel so abnormal.  Coz I really don't want to.  Just thinking about it makes my tummy hurt.

So I guess what I am saying is I am reclusive, I like it that way, but I can't fit in. And I even feel ashamed. I feel as if I am the only one who is this way.  Is there anyone else there who is like me .. and feel ok about it?

mooi mooi
46-50, F
15 Responses Feb 23, 2010

i am like that also. I have been an at home mother for thirteen years. my kids socialize with the kids in the neighbor hood. but me. my neighbor thinks I hate her because I don't want to be social. its just not my thing. I am in my confort zone when I am at home and doing what I know how to do. I don't really ever get lonely. my husband thinks I need friends. but its not a requirement for me. no your not abnormal.

I was depressed for a while because I was comparing myself to the standard (those who got out and are social) but have never felt more happy and confident in myself for having the same realization that you've had. I'd like to see a social movement flourish to spread awareness of this realization. I think more people need to know that if they alike being alone they shouldn't feel ashamed for it.

I haven't been a recluse yet, but it depends on me. If there's no other attempts to get myself a first girlfriend, then being reclusive is my only choice for me to avoid rejection and judgment so I can have the company and freedom all to myself. To get into further touch with myself. In fact, I really have bonded with me, myself, and I.

Im a recluse I guess. I have 2 friends in my mind. One lives at the otherside of the UK and the other I havent hung out with for a while. I've always been a hermit. Whenever I've had to go out I'd have to drag myself through it. Sometimes going just seems so tiring, I don't have the energy to make a day out worth while. My days lack structure. I used have school which got me out everyday, I left not having a planned future only an inner urge for an adventure, but following tour heart is hard, with materialistic things pulling you in every direction but I went with it. With the crowd. I tried 2 colleges, and neither seemed to interest me, it was quite a confusing time after that. 6 months of FIFA and junk food haha! I'm still going nowhere. No motivation, confidence or faith. Help

I have always been a recluse...but it's funny that until now, at age 46, I'm only now realizing it. I had an epiphany after recently divorcing and now living alone for last 3 years...I saw myself for who Ive always been; a person who loves nature, art, beautiful things, and have had close friends, yet a recluse...since a child always staying alone, having imaginary friends only, and as an adult, avoiding social situations, not trusting people, preferring my own company. But unfortunately, I have not embraced the beauty of being a recluse. Instead, I banished it in denial and fear; ashamed to reveal to others that was who I really am inside, embarrassed, fearful of being judged ....but look at all the people who were recluses and their lives. Maybe I came to realize this after working with one of my students on a Howard Hughes research report he was doing. I began to understand the humanity of him, and then maybe I decided to look at myself humanely in light of my reclusiveness and also my depression. Maybe by now accepting my reclusiveness and embracing it, my depression will dissipate.....but recluse or not, there is something special about me.:) and everyone has a right to a bit of oxygen and a walking space.

absolutely love reading this, reading this is like reading about myself I am 42 years old and I love my own company I have an allotment with hens and ducks ,I also have two dogs, I love nature and I am really happy being introvert there are probably more of us than we realise but we don't know them because they keep themselves to themselves just like us, your totally fine the only time it's a problem is if you are unhappy about it..

i myself have been a recluse since my parents died when i was a young teen and i gradually broke off all relations with friends and family and i have developed an intense hatred and distrust of people in the UK as it seems to me everyone is out to take all your money and no one cares about anyone else anymore unlike back in the 50,s and 60,s when people used to group together to help each other and the UK used to have communities but sadly the community spirit is gone nowadays due to so many immigrants being bought into the country who dont even speak english so thats 1 reason i dont like to go out and mix with people anymore so my advice is youre safer staying indoors than going out and besides in the UK todya theres nothing to do anymore where as in the 90,s i used to always be out playing football with mates or going to the cinema and going on trips to places like london or edinburgh etc but today theres just no outdoor life anymore and the rise of the internet has ruined things too

I thought something was wrong with me for actually liking being by myself. Glad to know there are others out there like me. I have no hate for others, the problem is that I find people tend to disappoint, I can't trust, human beings are not really nice. So I keep to myself.

Hello I am a recluse and for me Im happiest at home in solitude.My kids and cats keep me busy and I also love to be alone in nature and I longer worry about what people think of me.I strive for peace and in solitude I find it (" I say enjoy your life we dont have to be like everyone else

yeah i feel this way to. I work 39 hours a week, to people inside of work you would think that i am a normal guy, outgoing, makes people laugh and down to earth guy, once i get home all i want to do is stay in. i dont even want to go over my sisters if she asks me. i like my own company and wouldnt change it, the only time i do go out is if i need something like new shoes or clothing and even then i go into town get what i want and then come home.

I am the exact same way. I prefer my own company and see nothing wrong with it. I only became hard core about this the last 5 years after getting sick and tired of phony people that have no idea what freindship means and family that are toxic. Be true to yourself , its not a bad thing.

I want to be a recluse so bad.I kind of am but not as much as i'd like to be.I work from home but i dont have a car.Since i dont have a car i have to walk/take busses everywhere i go which makes life dealing with people extra stressful.Im planning on moving to a smaller town in a few years to get furthur away from people since L.A has drained everything out of me.Ive tried to argue with people that its not depression that has me stuck in the house, i leave my house after 10 every night!..Maybe its the big city living.Im originally from a small town on the Illinois /Wisconsin borderline, so maybe thats what it is..Maybe im normal and i just need to be in a normal environment and i wouldnt be such a we'll see.

Thankyou for posting about this. I too love my own company and feel happy about it most of the time but friends do tend to make me feel like there is something weird about it and keep insisting I socialize. Nice to know there are others out there :)<br />

Hello kimberlydb ... goooood to find someone like myself :) Thanks for commenting and letting me know. I feel better already!

I am exactly, to a tee the same way as you. I never want to go anywhere and am happy at home, but appear bubbly and full of life when I do go out. I just never want to go out. Also, I love to be alone rather than with people, even my own family that I love dearly.