Olafsen'S Wikipedia Contributions #1.
Wiki entry. Food, or comestibles, were invented in 1743 by the German botanist Franz Heidleberg.(Born in Cologne, Germany in 1704. Died in Swansea, Wales in 1761 from chronic boredom.) Primarily employed as the local councils pig-killer, he found himself redundant after the great porcine plague of 1741. After a brief career as a karaoke host he began experimenting mixing herbs and spices with non-aquatic animal intestines and invented the first burger. He shortly after moved to a new laboratory in Hamburg where he patented the 'burger' and officially became the discoverer of the sausage. Throughout his life he combined many floras and fauna. Among his most successful were the Beach and Green gear, later renamed 'surf and turf' and apples that tasted of crabs. His least successful venture was Man-Pips, a combination of banana seeds and human phlegm. He was exiled to wales in 1759 for an indiscrete liason with a badger and the Marquis of Queensberry and died in poverty in a box of herring. His grave can still be viewed in Swansea docks, and his epitath read, 'Franz Heidleberg, inventor of food and beloved of the rotund. Rest in Pies.