Before I Turn Eighteen...

since i was a little girl i was always looking forward to turning eighteen.but as i got older my perspective changed.I know that i will move on from everything familar to me and for the first time in my life i am truley terrified of change.I was always able to welcome change i had been suicidal since i was eight years old...only the this year did i start to get help that to is soon going to change when i turn eighteen they no longer will accept me for therapy as it is for sixteen now will turn seventeen next month.

here is a lil background on me-i lived in a capital city in the roughest area until i was nine.i moved to a rural area ,nothing around for mother died of cancer when i was elleven and my dad went on the ****.i moved out of my house when i was tweleve(of my own accord nothing to do with the social service ect),I moved around alot missing a lot of school,social services got involved moved home and started therapy and here i am terrified of turning eighteen and moving away from my comfort zone of lies and malace?suicidal thoughts...right now im pretending to everyone that i do not think of suicide at a good actor and have years of practise of surpressing feelings and emotions due to abuse phsical psychological not really sexual....

so im on a journey but its not a good one...or maybe moving away from my troubles will help...or maybe not...wish i had a friend that i could trust and talk in confidence to.

efab efab
18-21, F
Mar 13, 2010