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I Am On A Path You Will Never Comprehend

Desperation

By: Brunhild
Written on June 20th, 2011
I am so desperately lonely.  I really miss my son, and my husband is in another state.  I'm bipolar and on meds, but at times I still feel like crawling under a rock.  Sometimes I wish I was never born.  I don't talk about it because I don't want people to think I'm throwing myself a pity party.  It just gets so hard to hold it together all the time, but I don't really have a choice.  I have responsibilities and have to go on whether I want to or not.  Sometimes my chest hurts so bad I feel like I'm having a heart attack and can't breath.  I feel phisically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.  I try to take it one day at a time but I get so overwhelmed at times I feel like giving up.  I know that's selfish and I won't do it because I have kids, but that doesn't take the thoughts and feelings away.  I feel like crying but I don't want my kids to see me upset.  I just don't know how much longer I can do this.
By: Brunhild
Age: 36-40 , Female
212 people have read this story

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11 responses
  • Brunhild
    Brunhild

    I appreciate your understanding and kind words.....:)

    Nov 13, 2011
    1 like
  • craazzeecalamity
    craazzeecalamity

    sounds like me totally..... i can so relate... just do what you can to stay strong...

    wish i could help you more... it is hard

    Nov 11, 2011
    1 like
  • TwilightDream
    TwilightDream

    When you feel like you are having a heart attack, that sounds like a severe panic attack I know because I take these as well Talk to your doctor, there is help for this! Might be a good idea for him to check out some things cardiovascular wise, just to rule out any problems!!! I know that it feels like that when a severe panic attack hits me!

    Nov 11, 2011
    1 like
    • Brunhild
      Brunhild

      I know.....I just described what it feel like when I have one.....I am on meds for bipolar which helps with that.....I know when I'm getting ready to have one too.....I don't have as many as I used to....

      Nov 11, 2011
      1 like
  • juliegirlie
    juliegirlie

    I think it would be nice if you could just come out crying, but you're right, do not do it before the children.

    A board anyway, be careful not to abuse drugs, follow the prescriptions to the letter. Have you ever considered practicing yoga, or a form of meditation?

    Jul 28, 2011
    2 likes
    • Brunhild
      Brunhild

      No I have not....I do not know anything about it....

      Jul 28, 2011
      1 like
    • juliegirlie
      juliegirlie

      try it ....

      Jul 29, 2011
      1 like
  • RickiSchnucki
    RickiSchnucki

    No one who can give you support in your environment? Your parents maybe? I Never had such feelings but I think you need help from someone in real life, not only words from us epeeps to give you comfort. (((hugs)))

    Jul 4, 2011
    1 like
    • Brunhild
      Brunhild

      I can't always talk to my parents.....They are in bad health and I feel like I'd be a burden to anyone.....I do have a best friend and my husband to talk to, but the reality of it doesn't change....My psych wants me to see a therapist, but I've seen soooo many in my lifetime I don't feel like they can really help me and I can't afford to go into the hospital.....I just have to "suck it up" and go on as I've always done.....It does help to get it off my chest sometimes though.....Especially when I meet other people that understand......

      Jul 6, 2011
      1 like
  • sweetmeisje
    sweetmeisje

    I am sorry you feel this way, although our situations are different, I feel very identified with your story and your feelings.

    Jun 21, 2011
    2 likes
    • Brunhild
      Brunhild

      It's comforting finding other people with similar feelings....It makes me feel less alone....Thank-you...:)

      Jun 21, 2011
      1 like