The Power In Each Of Us

An Unforgettable Journey - To An Indescribable

Whats Behind It All

Drugs Taken :
Dextroamphetamine : 150 mg per day - insufflated
(snorted )
BZP (benzylpiperazine) - 75 mg per day - Orally
TFMPP (Trifluoromethylphenylpiperazine) 25mg per
day - orally (taken with BZP)
5-HTP (5-Hydroxytryptophan ) - 100 mg per day (1x 50
mg Morning , 1x 50 mg Evening)

Hours without sleep : 89
Well here i am , writing this little story because this has
been an unusual experience to say the least. As of right
now i have gone 89 hours without sleep. (give or take a
couple hours) . I have done this with the help of the
drugs mentioned above. This is how i have scheduled
them out :

Dextroamphetamine : 25 mg every 4 hours
BZP & TFMPP mix : Once every 24 hours
5-HTP : Twice daily

The Altered Consciousness

When your at the point that im at dreams and reality
become intertwined . This feeling is so strange. Im
experiencing things that are very difficult to put into
words. Everything is conjoined. I know that doesn’t
make sense but here it goes :

#1 I feel so sleepy , but more awake and aware than in
my normal state of mind. I can hear every little noise.
(Some im not sure are even real) .

#2 Depression and euphoria are combined. Emotions
don’ t exist solely on there own. Sadness will trigger a
overwhelming feeling of joy. And it seems I can change
my emotion by just thinking about it.

These are just 2 examples. This is how everything is for
me . Everything seems to be binded . nothing is
separated And this stuff is kind of hard to deal with
while working . Im a residential painter so it takes some
concentration to do the job correctly. Just glad it was
an interior today so society couldn’t see
me .Throughout the day I would find myself going into
deep thought while my body goes on autopilot. I
seemed to have some Entity following me . Just a
collection of energy . I could feel its presence every
where I go . It couldn’t physically say anything but I
could understand what he was trying to communicate
to me. Just random thoughts . Its hard to really
remember these things but I remember him
communicating something about him being my key to
inner discovery. It doesn’t mae sense to me now but it
did then. Throughout the day In these deep thinking
cycles I would relive parts of my life that would
normally bring feeling of sadness , regret , and pain .
But not today . Usually as soon as these things come
into my head I block them out real quick so I don’t feel
the pain.... . but today It seemed I could vividly relive
these events without any emotions at all. I could
analyze these events without my thoughts being
clouded . This enabled me to f igure out why these
things occurred , ways of dealing with the effects of
them. It was a crazy experience . I would relive times of
my life that Ive never remembered until that moment .
A lot of stuff that I think my brain blocked out
automatically .There was no feeling of sadness , anger ,
regret ,….. Nothing. And the whole time I was saying to
myself. “ is this real ? Why arent I shaking ? Why
doesn’ t my heart race ? “. Thats what is so strange . I
knew I was supposed to be feeling these things but I
wasn’t. I have forgave people that I have held grudges
against for years . I have accepted things that I my
brain would not accpet before. I guess with a few of
these experiences I was in some kind of denial . It
seems like maybe these '' Emotionless " experiences
have given me closure. These forgotten secret tapes of
my life would play in my head throughtout the day .
Every break I would go out , sit in my car , and try and
educate myself on brain chemistry / psychology /
psychoactive substances. I feel so excited about
learning and experiencing new things ( which is very
strange for me ) . I ended up reading about
psychological disorders . It seemed that every disorder
I read about related to me in one way or another. But
the one that really stuck in my head was amphetamine
psychosis . I was completely sure that I had this and
that it WAS going to turn into complete psychosis
permanently . Now normally this would trigger a
reaction of fear , anxiety , or panic . But not today , not
in this state of mind . I was content . Even intrigued by
the thought that maybe I would be able to study myself
and cure myself of this illness , and do it all
psychologically. It seemed that in one way or another
my brain would find every negative component and
instantly find a way for It to become beneficial to me.
Not as in a physical or materialistic way. But in a
spirtiual / psychological way . It seems somewhere
along the journey I have become detached from MY
human attributes . Pride , reasoning … all out the door.
What happens , just happens. Right now im typing
without thinking . It seems like the words just flow. Its
been almost 90 hours without sleep, usually at this
point I cant even update my facebook status . None the
less write a full fledged article . This is so crazy ,
mysterious , and incredible . Sleep sounds so good but
the thought of waking up in the morning in my normal
consciousness is keeping me from closing my eyes. I
feel like I can do anything . Be anyone . Nothing can go
wrong because Im connected to this ‘’ Entity “ Im not
sure what it is . Maybe a being of some type ? An
object? A Psychological Gateway ? Im not sure what it is
but something is there . Something is connecting me to
the answers . And I can feel ‘’ it ‘’ . Not physically . But
inside me .Somewhere in there … Inside my brain…..
Or maybe inside my soul? This thing or whatever it is ,
has no limits. No barriers .No boundaries.. If my brain
can comprehend and maybe even create these extreme
of feelings / experiences than we haven’t even
scratched the surface of the power and capabilities
inside of each and every one of us . Just unlock the
door . Forget about your senses. Sight , Touch , sound,
smell , taste ………….. Forget about money , forget
about everything you think is real, Forget yourself ,
forget me , and forget this article . All of it is just on the
surface. You must break past these things. They are the
walls that keep you from achieving total enlightenment.
Im not sure what the enlightenment is . But its meant to
be unlocked . Soo this is the end of my road. It seems
that I must go to sleep , wake up and continue my life
inside “ these walls “ . Somehow I have a feeling that
this experience , though so deeply moving and
inspiring , will be forgotten in the morning. But one
thing is for sure. I think that this experience has
changed me , and whether or not I realize it in the
morning. “ It “ ( whatever this thing is ) will always be
waiting for a time when my mind is ready and willing
to accept it back in.
Brandon Alpers
Forsakenpunk Forsakenpunk 18-21 Oct 11, 2011

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