Time Out

On many occasions I have looked back at my life and have wondered “what the hell was I thinking.” Even as a meditation practitioner with plenty of training I have noticed that my mind can be likened to that of a clunky runaway semi truck. These powerful minds we are given at our time of birth can form any life situation we would wish to experience. It has been a lifetime packed full of clumsy actions, rash presumptions, and self indulgent behaviors. Until I became a parent and a practitioner, I had no idea of what sacrifice or unconditional love really was. Moving from one “feel -good” experience to the next was all my mind actually knew at the time, and sometimes I still fall back into this pattern. In no way did I reflect on the karma or reality of each situation with a clear mind very regularly, until recently.
It suddenly dawned on me how important daily meditation practice actually is, this is the real deal. You can’t fake being awake, having good intentions, or being open to the world. It takes an awful amount of practice and work for the experience of a full and awake life, especially during these dark ages. Everywhere in our present world we see people texting, watching the television, or just being plain “out to lunch.” It takes a great deal of right effort to maintain a daily meditation practice as well as contributing to the Shambhala community on a regular basis. In the last year I have shed a tear or two over the current state of our world, and how wonderful the local Buddhist community has been through this journey. The connections made with people during these retreats and programs have proven to be the absolute best thing I could have ever imagined.
My son has even noticed a change in me and our home environment. I have taken my experiences in my practice and brought it into our daily life. Although my son doesn’t understand why his mother sits on a cushion and breaths in the morning, he does feel that I am more connected and alert to his needs and his basic goodness. I see his being and he can see mine. The children of this time are very in tune to energy and are very keen to realize when a person is pulling their leg or being real. The old saying: “fake it ‘til you make it” does not seem to apply any longer to my life. I am just living in the moment right now, taking some time out during my days to sit and be with it all. I feel very fortunate to be in a human body, have the dharma in my life, and have wonderful peers sitting beside me working on the simple enjoyment of being awake.

vanwalkdog vanwalkdog
36-40, F
Dec 7, 2012