Is The Path To Awakening Always This Confusing?

Recently, I've begun to delve more into the existence of my "higher-self" and the power of my conscious mind. I grew up in the church from birth but I no longer attend. Just recently, I've begun to question my faith in God for a very simple reason: I just felt like I didn't belong. Ive always been a spiritual person and I've always strived impulsively to realize something greater about myself than what I currently know.

Basically, I feel conflicted. All this time I was indoctrinated to believe that my life was not mine... that theres an invisible man in the sky that watches me live out my life which has been bought by him. I felt powerless and fearful of the future and sometimes I still do. I have since reconsidered my Christian faith and I am sitting on the fence in my spiritual journey.

Before reading further, I ask for the reader to have an open mind. Everything that I am learning now about my "trueself" is considered sinful in the eyes of the Christian God. And, even if I don't actively serve this God, I still fear illusionary consequences. Is this my Ego? Regardless, there is a question that haunts me. Was the exorsism performed on me at a younger age real? false? or just not what I've been taught to think it was? If God does not exist up there then wouldn't the devil and demons not exist either? What were those feelings I felt during the process? My nervous system was going crazy (I felt like my entire body was vibrating rapidly/ multiple mild muscle spasms), I was crying without any feeling of sadness or pain. I felt like an actor (trying to fit the role of the possessed) but at the same time I received weird visions in my imagination (something I couldn't explain). This experience in my life has caused me to question so far as WHAT IS REALITY? WHAT IS DARKNESS? AND WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?

I don't expect answers. I just feel really confused right now. I feel like I have a higher calling but these conflicting emotions trouble me. Advice, discussion, and insightful comments are very much appreciated. It's hard for me to put this out in the open, so thank you for taking the time to read this.
deleted deleted
2 Responses Jan 6, 2013

If you read on the practices of hypnosis then you will get to see a pattern that allot of religions use on their congregation. The most used is suggestion then coupled with the imagination of the person in question, and then they get a desired result.

The practice of suggestion is used in advertising all the time. It is used so much that it is in the fabric of our society. (Buy guns, buy SUV car for the city)

Just something to add in the mix of your exorcism, then to use or to tap on the body pressure points will cause a reaction in you. Can you remember if they touched you on parts of your head when this was been commissioned. They may have used special points similar to the acupuncture points to get your nervous system to react.

Please don’t stop on your quest to find answers, I myself have found answers in Spiritual teachings of many masters that have walked before us.


when you make yourself numb-there's usually something you yourself have not come to terms with. Something eating at you,and your not sure what to do about it. So therefore you are constantly at unease,questioning yourself or trying to find answers to what's bothering you.
If you don't come to terms with it-It's like a bad cancer it spreads to the point of no return.

You yourself -need to forgive yourself or other person and put it behind you. Until you do,
You wont have peace in your life. Tell yourself this: I cannot let the past hurt me,unless
i choose to. Meaning what you did is behind you-that's yesterday/let's focus on today.

I do not have to be the person i was yesterday. Forgive yourself-and then you can move
foreward and not backward. Dude you may not think that Jesus forgive you-but if you
believe he can and has for given you and you can forgive yourself. He states he will remember your sins no more.(It's done) the past forgiven & the future things. So Smile

Good Luck in your Journey

I might add-I have attended college for hypnosis. And it is about the power of suggestion. The person who put's the other person under hypnosis(so to speak)
must take that suggestion(see it,feel it-believe in it). If they do not take to the
suggestion-They cannot be put under hypnosis. Because not everyone can visualize . So when it comes down to it,It really has nothing to do with the person putting you under,It has to do with what you believe. Make since????