The Religion to Which I Was Born

shall i speak of my footprints upon this earth, or shall I take you on a flight?  the one, of course, has led to the other, though my first flight that led to the stars was up on the balcony of my brothers house, which was really mine since he had shot himself and his house became a safe haven for me, (although a couple of times i did have to battle with that little spirit that whispered for me to put the gun to my head too); this was quite late in my life (for what I would have liked, looking back on it now.)

During this period of my life, be it days or months i had been thinking, 'vast';, well not really thinking, but senseing just passing impressions through my mind and body,and had been doing some pretty heavy praying and constant contemplation, as i am wont to do; and finally contemplation gave way to action and a companion and i walked around 3-7 times the buildings we were living in.  we marched the devil right out of there....well, actually, what happened was that those who were making chemical drugs moved out shortly after, though i did not fully know at the time that that was the need for which we marched...

still, i was restless.  my prayers and contemplations had been for myself; my family, my children, my brother, and my battle against the whispering bullet, which lasted only shortly actually; I almost hate to mention this time since i have since lost the original copy of my night out on the deck, as i stood at the railing and sensed a vastness, even though we were surrounded by trees to the front of me, buildings at my back.  And called out, into the vastness, ...and spoke of how it must have felt, to speak into the vastness, and go shimmering out into the Universe...

that was just the beginning, the first time that i sensed that thrill of the shimmiring exploding energy. 

but other things were going on that night, of the which i never could understand the full extent as to why my neighbors experience coincided with what was going on with me (and the neighbors wife, my marching companion, with whom i marched and prayed and praised that night);  but,,that very same night he was fighting...soldiers... in the tree line before me...

the things is this; I was later told that ***, my neighbor, who was my brothers best friend,extremely intelligent and a long long time user of drugs, and a truely good guy, had been having hallucinations;  however i swore the whole time, and after, that i thought there was something more out there then just one person...  still, the next day ***decided it was time to check into a drug rehab.  I took him to Truckee but it was discovered later that his brain was ... just, disintegrating...

these experiences i relate as the first of my explorations as they had been percipitated (i think that word fits here) by much personal exploration as i began to explore myself through a welfare to work type program and many questions, and by putting myself into new positions out of necessity, ... and a burgeoning out of sortness with the religion to which i had been born.

although this was the first of this type of experiences it was not my first exploration, but those are for another time

sd

starrlitamber starrlitamber
51-55
Feb 21, 2009