I Feel Like A Burden...

I started hemodialysis at age 21. Polycystic Kidney Disease caused my kidneys to fail. I remember how scared I was in the beginning and how tough I acted after a couple of months. I used to laugh about it, because I knew people wouldn't like me if I behaved any differently.

I find it hard. It takes up so much time and it severely limits me in my life. I see people my age go abroad for a long journey, go drinking at a club and just doing everything that they want to do. And I can't be a part of that.

With everything that I can't do, I feel like people see me as a burden. It's always to and from dialysis, watching a diet and vacations in the area. It's not the same with me. Sometimes I really think of disappearing into thin air so I don't bother anyone anymore.
MerellD MerellD
22-25, F
2 Responses Apr 28, 2012

I have been on and off dialysis for almost 16 yrs. I had a transplant in 2002- 2005. Dec. 25, 2005 I lost my transplanted kidney. That year I also lost my Grandmother, Father in Law and Brother in law. It was a very, very tough year. Since then I have been back on hemodialysis and not back on the list. I want to but it is just a decision only I CAN MAKE. I have one child who has grown up with me being sick. I don't feel like a burden but I do not ask for help when I should. I am just NOW learning that. I have a 100% collapsed left hip due to the prednisone and the right one was "fixed" in 2004 but ever since then it still hurts. Hence, needs and needed to be refixed long ago. I just want to say that you are NOT a burden. We go through things no one can imagine. We are some VERY STRONG people and I pray that you can overcome this. I will pray that the way you feel becomes less and less until it is bearable. Take care of yourself.

I hope that my comments could give you some up lifting spirits. I've been on dialysis for about 4 years now. And to be totally honest with you I refuse to let it stop me from living a normal as possible life. I still go biking, canoeing, camping and anything else outdoors. I even go on vacations outside my area sometimes out of state. They even have cruises for dialysis patients. Sure it's a pain in the butt but look at it like this, you still can accomplish goals and do the things you enjoy doing. Wish you luck! :-)