Why Are You On Methadone?

I am a recovering heroin addict.. I have 13 years clean.. and I got clean without using Methadone.. So I am curious as to why if one does really, honestly want to stop using would you trade one addiction for another?
I was forced into rehab on June 10, 1999.. I dont remember the whole day to be honest.. All I know is that I OD'd. I remember that my dealer had sent his kid brother to drop off my stuff and it was a bag short.. I took the 9 bags I did get and I did them all at one time.. I had never done more than one bag at a time before then.. Thats where my memory stops.. and from what the police report said and the hospital said I held a knife up to a 15 year old kids throat.. (my dealers little brother) A neighbor had called 911 from what I was told and I was forced into an ambulance and taken to the hospital... I dont know how long had passed before my memory came back, but I do know that it was the same day I was admitted. I was laying in a bed and a nurse came in the room with some pills. I have never been a fan of pills no matter what they are, so I automatically told her no.. then she started to explain to me what my body was going to go through as I withdrew from the Heroin.. She did not in any way sugar coat it..
Now they must have given me something before that point, because I can remember all the rest very clearly.. From somewhere, and I have no idea where I told her that I did not want anything at all. No methadone, no pills of any kind.. not even Advil.. I knew myself well enough that if I made my detox easy that I would go right back to it.. At this point, I was being evicted from my apartment, my electricity, phone, cable, and insurance had all been shut off for non-payment on me.. My brand new car had been repossessed and I had lost a VERY good job.. So I had pretty much nothing going for me.. My family had given up on me at this point.. so I honestly have no idea where I found the strength.. but I did.. I detoxed with NOTHING.. and I will not sugar coat it.. It was HORRIBLE.. and that word doesnt even start to explain it.. I was in the bathroom with my head on the toilet for 3 whole days... I did not move.. There where several times that I seriously thought I was going to die.. but I stuck to my guns.. and those damn nurses kept coming in and showing me pills, telling me to just take them and I would feel better... I said no every time..
For the last 13 years, whenever I feel the want, urge, or need to use I remember how I felt for those 3 days.. the memories come flooding back and I honestly get physically ill.. That is what has kept me clean.. That memory.. those feelings.. I NEVER want to experience those again, so today I am clean and I dont ever want to touch Heroin again in my life.. Not saying that I dont miss it.. there are days that its all I think about.. but no matter how much I know how "just a little bit" would take away all my problems, I also know that even that little bit will bring a boatload more.. So if I can do it.. why cant you? Stop being a victim and start being a survivor..
MidniteAngel MidniteAngel
36-40, F
2 Responses Feb 9, 2013

Everyone is different. I was also a heroin/morphine/dilaudid addict and have been in every treatment center/detox this side of the country. Nothing worked for me except methadone. At least now I'm not working the streets, in and out of jail, etc. I have my own business and my son and husband love and support me. I've been on methadone for 16 years now-am coming down 5 mls at a time but if I feel I may use again I have no problem staying on it.

Different strokes for different folks...