Disposible People

Well so now things have got allot worse, I have been internalized but manged to get out and get back home, I had my choices weather to stay in ashburn clinic for 2 years or come back home and go on the sickness benefit and go to a course in the hospital 5 days a week for a year, its not the kinda choice i wanted to make, but i mean if i don't do this i have no future... Its between life and death now... i choose to give life a go but its going to be hellish and hard i want to try live my life another way but i first have to go threw the grueling part of changing it. So this all starts in the end of Feb.

But i mean the pain and heart aka i maintain inside is absolutely unbearable.
I just simply cant cope anymore... I am a disposable person, which brings with it the struggle of not being able to keep friends, partners and flatmates so now i live alone...... I'm addicted to drugs and i am destroying myself .... The cutting the famine of not eating ...the drugs.

I don't believe i am doing this too myself as much as others are doing it too me, I know i play a part in the whole scenario. And that is i turn all anger and pain inwards... But I'm trying not to cause myself any pain or stress but unfortunately that's what comes alone with being a sick sick girl.

Nobody wants to know me, Nobody wants too help me...I'm beyond helping, Nobody wants too care and Nobody wants to love me.
I'm the sick one everyone blames all there problems on because i am a disposable person.

This disposable person I'm talking about is that person who you use when you need something, the one you wont sit down and take a interest in their life's, the one you don't care about if they die and the one you release all your anger, stress and pain on.... I can tell you that I'm not a bad person i Do care about people and i try to be there and help them but **** i tell ya I'm over being kicked when I'm down and struggling even more because i give you all i have... My help, my love and my material goods... I MEAN WAT THE ****!! Why the ****??

Its way beyond me, But all i can tell you is the medication is getting upped all the time but the more you guys kick me down another notch the more i struggle to just get up, let alone face 1 day on this earth, I just can no longer help you... I wont and i cant...

So this is Just to tell all you self involved, heartless ***** out there... I'm signing out from taking anymore of your ****.... And don't go and find another one of me, Because i tell ya mate i wont show you the anger i have within for you for disposing me but if you fucken dare to destroy someone else you will see what pure revenge is...I wont take your lies, your sad stories let alone your excuses of being a civilized human been.

deathsangel deathsangel
22-25, F
1 Response Mar 1, 2009

Don't the drugs help? I go through a lot and don't have drugs to make me feel better. Don;t they help?